Monday, January 30, 2006

The next time somebody argues with you over the imposition of american democracy in Iraq, make sure to bring up the example of Palestine. While the PA is far from the least corruptible government in the world, they do have a history of running fair and clean elections. And this is now how rest of the world will repay them and their citizens for democratically electing the party they want to govern the Territories. my brain hurts.

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Doppelganger Alert!

I think I've seen this one before, so if I've previously posted it, I apologize. I'm incensed that everybody else who has my name seems to be a dickhead. First it was the head of Enron Southwest Operations, now it's this wangosaurus rex:

"Another student stopped to chat with Mr. Daniel Pribble and enthusiastically said: "Give me your flyer. I totally agree with you. What you're doing is great. Homosexuality is not natural." Then his girlfriend showed up and was also offered a flyer. But she said, "Well...I don't know about this..." Mr. Pribble explained why the homosexual vice is wrong, and her friend told him how that's what he had been trying to tell her for a long time."

I don't know about you, but that strikes me as just about the most likely conversation to have ever occurred in the history of the Multiverse. Can't you just hear it?

Just so everyone's clear: I'm completely in favor of dudes doing dudes and ladies doing ladies.

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Sunday, January 29, 2006


whats that you say? you want a picture of ryan nootz with lil john? sure. no problem.

Everyone should read the terrific synopsis in today's Times concerning Washington's historic handling of Haiti. There is no better example of what the U.S. means when it talks about "spreading democracy" than this. I've never read a better article from a mainstream news source.

Some highlights:
Bridging the divide between Mr. Aristide and his opponents would have been difficult in even the best of circumstances. But what emerges from the events in Haiti is a portrait of how the effort to nurture democracy became entangled in the ideological wars and partisan rivalries of Washington.
...
"He wasn't going to be beholden to the United States, and so he was going to be trouble," said Senator Christopher J. Dodd of Connecticut, a Democratic critic of Bush administration policy on Latin America. "We had interests and ties with some of the very strong financial interests in the country, and Aristide was threatening them." Those interests, mostly in the textile and electronic assembly businesses, sold many of their products cheap to the United States.
...
Raymond A. Joseph, the current interim government's ambassador to the United States, recalls a speech that Mr. Aristide gave in September 1991. "That's the speech," Mr. Joseph said, "that triggered the coup d'etat against him, where he said, 'Whenever you feel the heat under your feet, turn your eyes to the mountains where the wealthy are, they're responsible for you. Go give them what they deserve.'
...
Haiti is a tragedy, and it is a tragedy of partisanship and hate and hostility," Mr. Einaudi said. "These were divides among Haitians and they are also divides among Americans, because Haiti came to symbolize within the United States a point of friction between Democrats and Republicans that did not facilitate bipartisanship or stable policy or communication."

And, to cap it all off, Stanley Lucas, the leader of the Haitian branch of the International Republican Institute (the organization charged with the task of "supporting the growth of political and economic freedom, good governance and human rights around the world by educating people, parties and governments on the values and practices of democracy," and which is loosely affiliated with the Republican Party and various rightist think tanks), and also an avowed Aristide opponent who counseled other Aristide opponents to never negotiate, is now working for the IRI's Afghanistan program.

Friday, January 27, 2006

http://www.ropeswingcities.com/dirtbag/?cat=1

A friend of mine feels compelled. I'm fond of January 6, 2006.

A tract that is relevant to many of us...repent, repent now or face Black Leaf's fate.

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Pribbs, I really enjoyed your posting on Archimedes. In a related story, I have been on a codeine bender for the last 3 days due to sinus and respiratory infections. In a lucid codeine trance, I hallucinated that I called Mrs. Frank (my kindergarten teacher) a cum dumpster, and you were so impressed with my fearless, gladitorial spirit in which I delivered my words that you invited me to Boston for a three week long conference. So see you at the top of the Hancock building for Bostonian lore and highballs; you know, just get tight...


Transdimensional leap to hyper light speed?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/01/23/flying_car/

And I thought the treadmill bike was awesome... Check your simple mechanical advantage at the door, and, Marty, watchout for the clock tower!

Jocks Beware! The nerds have a deathray!

One of the more popular myths concerning Archimedes, the famous Siracusan mathematician who "discovered" displacement as a means for measuring density, is that in 212 BC he defeated a fleet of Roman ships besieging Siracusa by way of a sun-powered deathray. Supposedly Archimedes built either a very large mirror, or assembled a massive array of smaller mirrors, and, focusing the energy of that beating Mediterranean sun, sent rays of heat out into the harbor that set fire to the Roman's ships, forcing them to quit the siege and flee Siracusa. The Discovery Channel's MythBusters tested this story, and determined that no such thing was possible, declaring the myth officially "busted." MIT Students in course 2.009 (a class entitled Product Engineering Processes in the Mechanical Engineering department) decided to follow up with a test of their own as a way of illustrating the engineering principles of an Idea Feasibility Study. Shockingly, they were successful in setting fire to a mock ship constructed of 1" thick red oak atop a parking garage in Cambridge. As a follow up, some of these same students traveled to San Francisco last October to work with the MythBusters on setting up the experiment again, this time to attempt to ignite a boat in water. Results were less conclusive. Keep in mind, though, that this was San Francisco in October where the sun is a far cry from the one that would have been fueling Archimedes' deathray. The episode of MythBusters (a terrific show by any measure) that details this experiment is airing tonight on the Discovery Channel at 9pm.

No matter how you slice it, this is fucking cool. A Sun-Powered Deathray? Cut it out, Archimedes! You're too much! There's another myth concerning Archimedes' death: Supposedly during a later Roman invasion, the Legions sacking the city were specifically instructed that the Caesar (don't know which one) had heard of this brilliant mathematician in Siracusa and wanted him kept alive for the betterment of the Empire. However, when a Legionnaire burst into Archimedes' house, the mathematician was so engrossed in thought that he utterly failed to take notice of this blood-drenched, armored man who had just crashed through his front door. In a fit of rage at this affront to his obvious might, the Legionnaire ran Archimedes through with a spear.

What a badass.


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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

bizarro world continues: after a lengthy lament about how selfish popular culture is, rick santorum asks the audience to support the troops with a bumper sticker.



Q: is that too much to ask?
A: ummm...no? i'm stumped here...

aw poop:
A Homeland Security Department report submitted to the White House at 1:47 a.m. on Aug. 29, hours before the storm hit, said, "Any storm rated Category 4 or greater will likely lead to severe flooding and/or levee breaching."

The internal department documents, which were forwarded to the White House, contradict statements by President Bush and the homeland security secretary, Michael Chertoff, that no one expected the storm protection system in New Orleans to be breached.

"I don't think anyone anticipated the breach of the levees," Mr. Bush said in a television interview on Sept. 1. "Now we're having to deal with it, and will."

Monday, January 23, 2006

Politics aside, for a second, who's mouth is that? 'Cause if that's Matt Karp's mouth I'm gonna blow my load.

"'I'm mindful of your civil liberties and so I had all kinds of lawyers review the process,' Bush told some 9,000 students, soldiers and dignitaries in the audience.
...
"'It would be our choice to not to have to talk about this at all,' he said on ABC's 'Good Morning America.'"


-The Times (Re: Eavesdropping Illegally on 'Terrorists')

To those Jackbloggerz who actually follow such yo-yoing day-to-day politics, I'm curious as to what you think is going to happen with this eavesdropping issue. This article says 56 percent of pollees think Bush should've gotten warrants before eavesdropping. That's not too bad, I guess, but it's obviously not the outrage for which one might hope. I guess I just keep expecting that this shit will reach its aphelion any minute.

PS. Goddamnit, fuck the New York Times. In the middle of typing this post, they removed the article I originally linked to, which contained the above-quoted text, and now I can't find reference to it anywhere on the net. The article appearing in its place is shit by comparison.

All you asshole Blackberry users may very well be fucked soon:

"The high court's refusal to hear Canada-based Research In Motion Ltd.'s appeal means that a trial judge in Richmond, Va., could impose an injunction against the company and block BlackBerry use among many of its owners in the United States.
...
"Attorney Herbert L. Fenster, who represents RIM, said the company is fighting the injunction. But he said an injunction would not end BlackBerry use among at least 1 million of its 3 million users in the United States.

"Fenster said he believes federal law prohibits U.S. District Judge James R. Spencer from cutting off BlackBerry service to federal, state and local government users and others who rely on the devices to communicate during a public emergency."

-The Times

"justice for all!: born and pre-born!" (...and sperm! and pre-sperm!)

"march for life" day is the cold cowboy's favorite!.

each year i thank the heavens for all the a-holes standing on the left during my morning commute, for the hordes of screaming, irate children they bring with them to clog the rush hour trains, and for the constant barrage of pre-teen lackeys they send to congressional offices to disrupt our workdays and help us waste taxpayer money even more than we do usually.

today middle america's finest assembled on the mall to march from the capitol to the supreme court, which is conveniently located...right behind the capitol. they also came to listen to these dudes talk about how god hates abortionists (also hated: judiciary committee democrats and their homosexual puppeteers):
























strangely, none of them appear to have a vulva...but you can never be too sure. some of those "i regret my abortion" signs were being held by dudes... i think one of them had a mustache.

but this year's biggest mystery is clearly: What would Che do??:























and that's today's canvass question.

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Sunday, January 22, 2006

And on the third day, JC downshifted, took the devil high, and opened her up to take the checkered at daytona...
http://www.morganshepherd.com/
Now that's fuckin amurrican.

Saturday, January 21, 2006


Heres some armed response:

I vote you put all of Al Queda in a headlock with those manly arms (image courtesy of the cowboy: J-blog--Sept. 2005).

p.s. have you picked a color for your floral arrangements and invitations?

dongs: Osama is calling us out. What to do? I vote for more armed response. It's been going so well.

Friday, January 20, 2006


Have you ever wished you could get a quality treadmill workout without paying expensive gym prices? Then look no fucking further than the Treadmill Bike! ..."The Treadmill Bike offers the same fat burning benefits of a conventional treadmill without the membership fees!"

...I can't believe these bastards stole my idea!

http://www.bikeforest.com/tread/index.php

Members of Earth Liberation Front and Animal Liberation Front being indicted on counts of domestic terrorism.

Direct Action brings satisfaction
....
and indictments!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

the latest on sharkey

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The new banner makes me afraid for mine soul...
lickety jackblog.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Impale, Impale...those that discriminate should certainly be impaled...

a follow up on the things going on in Jonathan's life.

Sharkey says they plan to sue the district, saying their action is a violation of their civil rights. “I think this was a witch hunt, a lynching,” says Sharkey. “They are appalled at what I am, so they took it out on my wife.”

http://www.kstp.com/article/stories/s13470.html

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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

so, you're an evacuee who wishes to return to New Orleans and build a new home out of your recently acquired trash heap? Well, go fuck yourself.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Dag, dude...that guy is Awwwsumm. Tons of lightning bolts, cloaks, nascar, and rocky? How does this guy expect us not to vote for him in 2k8?
http://www.katsunderworldcoven.org/Jonathon.html
I feel another card droppin. Quick, summon Robert Martin to drive the ICP campaign van...

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Sunday, January 15, 2006

Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey for Governor!


Army Vet.
NASCAR fan.
Satanic Dark Priest
Only candidate with the guts to impale terrorists in front of Minnesota state capitol:
My name is Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, Ph.D., L.D.D.D. I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch. My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares....

...I co-own two Covens: Kat's UnderWorld Coven and J & J's UnderWorld Coven of Minnesota, along with a Luciferian Church:
The Church of the Followers of Lucifer. The members of the Covens are: Vampyres, Witches, Pagans, Wiccans, Satanists, Demons and Other Kin. I preach about unity and protecting the US Constitution, and all the beliefs our Founding Fathers fought and died for.

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Saturday, January 14, 2006

If I were Mr. Rumpke, I would have a giant red, white, and blue dong skull fucking a turban. Up yours, you non-trash lovin' freedom fuckers. Stop hatin; start participatin.

-Lord Jacklyn Worlington

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Thursday, January 12, 2006

Soooo.....

I recently started a job down in Cincy. I commute to and from Oxford. I was on my way home today and as I was driving past Mt. Rumpke I noticed that something was missing. A quick glance at the Mount revealed that the haulers of my municipal waste were no longer adorning their mighty precipice with the familiar "God Bless USA."

WHAT HAPPENED?

Did Rumpke give in to SATAN???? I need to Nextel Pat Roberston ASAP for an update/advice.

I don't know if Rumpke has forsaken the USA..... or perhaps they are taking their ridiculousness to the next level. I am hoping for new signage in the coming days along the lines of something like:

FUCK OFF, TERRORISTS!!!

That....or they could move the infamous "Touchdown" Jesus on 75 to the top to really drive home the message.

Any other ideas? I will gladly submit them down at the Rump' on my way to work.

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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

only in cincinnati, where the dead return to life.

watch the video linked by the words "watch why the caregiver thought body parts grew back" and know that ohio is freaking awesome.

just one more reason why they should have taken down the "god bless the USA" shrine atop mt. rumpke and replaced it with "bless this mess".

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Monday, January 09, 2006

raquetball: pimpest of indoor sports

"I love this bitch talk you punk ass bitch. As soon as I get yo ass on court, you be crying like a baby!"
--jack abramoff e-mail to fellow indicted lobbyist michael scanlon.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

so where might be all of these pictures taken during new years? I expect them on my desk in the morning.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

toes on myspace. all hail toes.

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Tuesday, January 03, 2006

jordan tate is also engaged. pass it on.