lickety jackblog

please be advised: the hall of atrocities has recently acquired an addition to the line-up. not gross, just lovely.

posted by erock @ 2:00 PM 0 Comments

today's word: batdog

no surprises here.




winner of the creepy prize:

posted by the cold cowboy @ 5:02 PM 0 Comments

I just signed up for this:

posted by Little Gordie @ 11:52 AM 0 Comments

This is how my day began:

"Dear Mr Collins:

This is to inform you that an indictment has been filed (My Heart Explodes)...in which you have been listed as a witness."

Every day another blessing from God.

posted by ayatollah assahola @ 4:33 PM 0 Comments

dear friends,

since the 2-week long congressional recess begins today and my boredom is sure to swell throughout the week like milky sebum in the tip of a greasy teenage whitehead, i shall begin a daily miniseries of google image search gemz. today's word is horsey.




here is something else you may enjoy.

Labels: congress

posted by the cold cowboy @ 5:16 PM 0 Comments

more on shiavo

my anger over this donkeyscotch is two-fold. for one, any time you have to include a section (in this case, section seven) titled "No Precedent for Future Legislation" that reads "Nothing in this Act shall constitute a precedent with respect to future legislation", you know you've got a bullshit law on your hands - not to mention that 63% of the public support death with dignity in this case and 70% say shucks, it might not be a good idea for Congress to pass laws about someone's own damn life. guess it's time to write that line about unplugging the machine into your wills so the loud and crazy minority doesn't get to decide for you.

the second, more important fold is that when these fatt rascalz call for unexpected votes it means i have to wear a suit instead of my pre-ripped jeans and talawanda tribe TMS gym shirt, which is un-american and frankly pro-terrorist.

Labels: congress

posted by the cold cowboy @ 9:59 AM 0 Comments

is anybody else as pissed off about this schiavo thing as I am? this is the ultimate in republican hypocrisy. So much for the party which used to oppose governmental regulation and interference in citizens' lives.

Labels: congress

posted by ayatollah assahola @ 3:12 PM 0 Comments

here are some ideas for restaurants (patents pending):

1. "The Bengali Trolley": succulent north indian and bengladeshi cuisine served in a restaurant that slowly moves through town on a track loop. also doubles as public transport, though space is limited and purchase necessary. pick up available; sorry, no delivery. prices range from $6 lunch time meals into the $11-$20 range for dinner. suggested cities: Topeka, Kansas; Reno, Nevada; Sugar Land, Texas.

i stole this idea from a dream i had where i was running away from this force of pure evil that was chasing me through the streets of Graz, Austria and i hid inside a street car which, when i closed the door, turned into a smokey bar/restaurant where sherman jackson was the maitre d', wearing a green gambler's visor and some kind of purple velour hugh hefner smoking jacket. had a giant castro cigar in his mouth and gave me some piece of wisdom that gave me the strength to confront the evil, which i subsequently did on some hilltop when the evil manifested itself in a giant white drive-in movie screen. there should be a lifesize portrait rendition of sherman jackson in those same clothes at the entrance.

2. "The Scotch Crotch": More of a bar than a restaurant, but it ought to serve haggis and all that shit. requires significant archictectural prowess, as the entryway ought to ideally resemble a human crotch - need not be anatomically correct. the 'legs' would preferably extend back to the street and a people mover would bring you from the street to the entrance, but the back of the restaurant wouldn't be more than 20 feet or so from the 'crotch' entry way, so when you go in the maitre d' greets you and there's a coat check and the kitchen is behind that stuff and that's it - you have to make a U-turn into one of the wings to sit down and take in the atmosphere (musty). there are two wings with slightly different themes which are up for debate. on your way up the escalator-style people mover there is a plaid kilt canopy draped across the 'legs' so you don't get rained on during the ride.

concocted, probably over a night of raw cookie dough log consumption, with swisch motherfucking swisch.

Labels: crotches

posted by the cold cowboy @ 11:03 AM 0 Comments

a little something special for all us sinners.

posted by the cold cowboy @ 9:19 AM 0 Comments

I just would like to take a moment and remember a day from my past.

It was early morning.
Seth approached me.
"There's a duck in the toilet. Smoking."

My life was forever changed from that day.

posted by sean @ 7:08 AM 0 Comments

Captain Gingersnap Crowned King of Dog-Land!



Dogville -- today, Captain Gingersnap took the throne at last, vowing to "serve the citizens of Doglandia with grace and compassion." He brings with him the fair maiden, her highness, Missus O'Chuckles.



Outgoing monarchs Chuck Woodson and Darlene McPaulson congratulated Gingersnap as they bade Doglandia adieu, boarding the charter ferry to Horse-Kansas where a bounty of whisker-clad servants await them.



All hail Captain Gingersnap!

posted by the cold cowboy @ 11:00 AM 0 Comments

Today my mother faxed me the proposed plans for the new lake house my parvenu aunt Sue is having built adjancent to (and soon to be looming over) the lake house my family currently shares in southern Michigan. They wanted to know whether I had any comments or revisions to make before the plans are finalized. They've already begun to lay the concrete foundations.

The plans are boring and cookie-cutter enough, and seem to completely ignore the fact of the lake 30 feet in front of the front door. There is no southern glazing.

I looked up the architecture firm, The Jenkins Group, and found a slew of lovely strip malls, highlighted by enormous chain grocery stores, each capped with meaningless steel and brick decorations. Their website (which consists of a single flash animation) boasts corporate and industrial campuses, and more grocery stores. There is no residential shown.

One thing is clear: they design for cars far more frequently than they do people. I was surprised in fact to see that they hadn't included a garage in the building plan for this lake house, considering the fact that the street is approximately 200 feet from the house.

Fuck all.

posted by Little Gordie @ 2:44 PM 0 Comments

Today our president said:

"We want people owning stuff. The more people owning something, the better off America is" (Reuters).

posted by the cold cowboy @ 4:08 PM 0 Comments

Well, dongs, I finally did it. Yesterday I walked into the goddamned, fucking Macintosh store on Michigan Avenue, and pulled out the plastic. Dan, I think I probably got the exact same thing you wound up getting. The 14" i-book, 768mb ram, 80g harddrive, extra wireless crap; one of them 20g ipods, and a free printer to boot.

I was a bit bummed that I couldn't walk out of there with the cpu, but I guess any customizations need to be ordered; it should be here on Monday or Tuesday.

Anyway, any tips, pointers or comments anyone? I'm trembling with excitement...

posted by Little Gordie @ 2:35 PM 0 Comments

ummm......

Does Gary have a sister? Because it REALLY sounds like it. Holy ShiT./a%G$FJG#$WTT!@

Labels: music

posted by sean @ 7:52 AM 0 Comments

new jandek tribute album. starring jeff tweedy. courtesy of pitchfork.

Labels: music

posted by the cold cowboy @ 5:04 PM 0 Comments

anyone wanna go halfsies?

Labels: religion

posted by candycanesammy @ 1:05 AM 0 Comments

to alan thicke and the cold cowboy ~ many cheery more

posted by erock @ 5:34 PM 0 Comments