lickety jackblog: October 2005

anyone want to go shopping for some new

Dongs: primate.net was hacked last week, and may not be up for a while. I don't know what will be left of my account when it's back up and running, and I don't have many of your email addresses memorized, so if you'd please send me an email at my new address, I'd be much obliged:

lil dot gordie at gmail dot com

Thus sayeth the Lord: Woe unto thee that hinders freeway traffic for a graven image of me, for yea they be rubberneckers.

Labels: ohio, religion

guest blogging by rick wolf, nick milk's second cousin.

so the story goes like this:

the onion has been writing some great shit about bush lately. bush staffers, hipsters and scenesters all, read the onion and get wind of one thing -- "hey, they're using the presidential seal without the president's permission!"

the white house sends a cease and desist order to the onion to stop using the presidential seal. the onion responds: "uhhh...duh...everyone knows that we're just making jokes...no one really thinks that using the presidential seal means that the president really has editorial approval of our paper...you fucking idiots."

white house responds: "we no like funny. you stop now."

the onion responds again, this time with the ultimate zing.

scooter & dick to congress: FACE!

this one's from the national journal (subscription):

WHITE HOUSE
Cheney, Libby Blocked Papers To Senate Intelligence Panel
By Murray Waas, special to National Journal

Vice President Cheney and his chief of staff, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, overruling advice from some White House political staffers and lawyers, decided to withhold crucial documents from the Senate Intelligence Committee in 2004 when the panel was investigating the use of pre-war intelligence that erroneously concluded Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, according to Bush administration and congressional sources.

Among the White House materials withheld from the committee were Libby-authored passages in drafts of a speech that then-Secretary of State Colin L. Powell delivered to the United Nations in February 2003 to argue the Bush administration's case for war with Iraq, according to congressional and administration sources. The withheld documents also included intelligence data that Cheney's office -- and Libby in particular -- pushed to be included in Powell's speech, the sources said.

The new information that Cheney and Libby blocked information to the Senate Intelligence Committee further underscores the central role played by the vice president's office in trying to blunt criticism that the Bush administration exaggerated intelligence data to make the case to go to war...

...treason comes in so many lovely flavors.

Labels: congress

"A Short Guide to Iraq," published by the U.S. government in 1942. The handbook was written for American soldiers who were stationed in Iraq to prevent Nazis from seizing the country's oil.

"Differences? Sure, there are differences. Differences galore! But what of it? You aren't going to Iraq to change the Iraqis. Just the opposite. We are fighting this war to preserve the principle of 'live and let live.' Maybe that sounded like a lot of words to you at home. Now you have the chance to prove it to yourself and others. If you can, it's going to be a better world for all of us."

From Harpers

Labels: iraq

Today on your cable news networks:

It's McDonald's time! that's right, folks! both CNN and FNC have devoted several stories today already on the philanthropic McDonald's and it's heartbreakingly delicious cuisine. Both shows featured the spirited consumption of McDonald's items as well. news or unpaid ads directed towards the 'Matt Karp demographic'? you decide.

and the applause light goes off.

mmm... suzie likey fast food!

Labels: food

I missed last year's suarez, and this year I'll most certainly have to work either the 31st, 1st, and/or 2nd. However, I live in a big ass house in the mountains of Breckenridge (hour fifteenish from Denver, not a problem to pick people up) and would like to nominate myself as host of the sex cauldron. It's close enough to all the west coasters and chi town, plus you can always find cheap ass flights to denver. I mean it's denver...

Also we can hook up discount $30 passes for those who would like to ski/snowboard. And I have a hot tub and a weber american grill. Just throwing it out there.

new years?

as it's gettin' close to ticket buyin' time, i propose we revisit new years plans. philadelphia...?

I was in Namibia recently. They seem to have a different opinion of their senior citizens and their dietary habits than us 'merican folk.

p.s. the chocolate log and salticrax were purchased at a remote Namib truck stop. The staff was 100% African and the music playing over the gas station's PA was 100% Toby Keith. This is real...Africans love them some country.

Because you have nothing better to do. . . .

this.

Who-Dey

I don't know if Bengals fever has everybody else gripped in the talons of bliss, but it has sure caught hold of Bootsy Collins.

Please do yourself a favor and listen in, as the proud tradition of Bengals musical tributes, still very much alive, well, and outrageous, continues with "Bigg Cats" and "Fear da Tigers". Welcome to the Jungle.

Labels: bengals

enjoy!

thanksgiving in oxford 2005

highlights:

1. toes reunion concert
2. jackbloggers arrive at townie night wearing mustaches & TMS tribe PE clothes
3. klub-kalling marathon
4. ryan doan and gwendolyn lloyd elected thanksgiving king and queen

october search strings

1. 67.16% david cross peta
2. 5.97% lilliputian
3. 2.99% jackbarn
4. 2.99% peanuts
5. 1.49% atrocities
6. 1.49% hate laura scudiere
7. 1.49% laura scudiere rob mentzer
8. 1.49% lickety jackblog
9. 1.49% manimal

once again searches on the scudiere-mentzer union have reached the jackblog. at least one such perpetrator?: foe.

"We can't say how we found Larry Bird, or what he had to drink before the interview. But we can say Larry is one heck of a guy":

October 20,2005 | OKLAHOMA CITY -- A man got a prison term longer than prosecutors and defense attorneys had agreed to -- all because of Celtics great Larry Bird.

The lawyers reached a plea agreement Tuesday for a 30-year term for a man accused of shooting with an intent to kill and robbery. But Eric James Torpy wanted his prison term to match Bird's jersey number 33.

"He said if he was going to go down, he was going to go down in Larry Bird's jersey," Oklahoma County District Judge Ray Elliott said Wednesday. "We accommodated his request and he was just as happy as he could be.

"I've never seen anything like this in 26 years in the courthouse. But, I know the DA is happy about it."

(link)

Hey Sarge, didn't I see you backstage at the Gothic Knights show? I swear you had your nose in Rick's crotch. I guess I didn't realize you were so into dog training...

http://www.gothicknights.com/band.html

Labels: crotches, music

hey snavely,

have you forgotten about our little bet? don't think I have. Fifty one-dollar bills mailed to me by the end of the year. if i were you, i'd take my ass to the post office. i'll kill you. xoxoxoxo.

go to google, type "failure" into the search and click "I am feeling lucky"

hey all,

if y'all can check out the daily show tomorrow, you should. bill o'reilly is going to be on. should be good.

Heads up if you are at work...this gets pretty fantastic. I wish I could say I wrote this on a meth bender, but I guess I'll have to find my own inspiration.

http://www.jeff-stryker.com/pooper3.html

Labels: gays

check this out.

is there anything this fucker/these fuckers do that's real? everything is a photo op, and its becoming surreal.

Applebaum is connected to the information superhighway. I wonder if Sandra Bullock is reading this right now...

And where are all the fucking monkeybots?

President Divinely Inspired

"President Bush said to all of us: 'I'm driven with a mission from God. God would tell me, "George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan." And I did, and then God would tell me, "George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq …" And I did. And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, "Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East." And by God I'm gonna do it.'"

From the BBC

Labels: iraq

UNICEF BOMBS SMURF VILLAGE

The U.S. Senate passed a $440 billion defense-spending bill; the bill includes an amendment that places limits on the torture of military prisoners. President George W. Bush promised to veto the bill if it was passed containing the amendment.
...
In a strong break from the Bush administration, the measure passed 90 to 9, with 46 Republicans joining 43 Democrats and one independent in favor.

From USNews.com

Remember that movie where, like, Fred Savage's dad finds that weird pot during, like, some archaeological dig, and then he brings it home and it somehow causes Fred Savage and his dad to switch places (leading inevitably to madcap misadventures!)? What if we, like, did that with the president and one of the prisoners at Guantanamo?

the hits keep a-comin':

right wing wackjob james dobson to release secret documents on miers

how proud he must be at the ever-strengthening moral authority of the christian coalition!

seems jimmy d had an inside pal in the white house : karl rove.

speaking of rove, looks like the watergate-style cover-up is in full swing

harriet miers' law firm donated to hillary's campaign...

27 GOP senators ain't supporting miers.

and GOP congressman kevin brady of texas does him some drankin'!

this arrived in the mail the other day. i'm still looking for a rad frame to do it justice.

http://raptureready.com/

today's washington news items:

rove in the crosshairs

tommy changes his story. guilty!

his replacement? just as corrupt. and everyone knows it.

republicans shit themselves over the miers nomination

dems for first time in recent memory spin a story right

rick santorum down by 18 points for re-elect in recent poll

notice ye a trend?

It's official. Ohio is full. There are no jobs here. After spending the last 4 months applying everywhere it seems I am destined to be a dishwasher at Kona. Oh wait, I already did that and quit a day and a half into it. Good to know my education is paying off. Btw in the last two days I have combed through 1400 jobs in the Cincinnati area. 8 were available without having a masters degree or a medical-science related degree.
fuck.

Labels: ohio

The warning not to open this in the workplace applies, though not for the usual reasons.

Nothing dirty here, friends, just nerdish exuberance like you wouldn't believe.

In light of his recently published novel, State of Fear, novelist Michael Crichton was called before the Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works so that he could criticize the theory of global warming:

"His is an unpopular and contrary stance when measured against the judgment of groups like the National Academy of Sciences. But it was not those organizations that asked Mr. Crichton to Washington to counsel Congress on how to consider diverse scientific opinion when making policy. It was the committee chairman, Senator James M. Inhofe, a plainspoken Oklahoma Republican who has unabashedly pronounced global warming 'the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people.'"

-From The Times

Our government no longer even cares to hide the fact that its policies are based on elaborate works of fiction. Why should they?

"[William] Bennett, who held prominent posts in the administrations of former presidents Ronald Reagan and George Bush, told a caller to his syndicated radio talk show Wednesday: 'If you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose -- you could abort every black baby in this country and your crime rate would go down.'"

-From CNN

paul hackett to challenge mike dewine for senate

Labels: gays, ohio

kal-el

Labels: film

Hey Pribble,

LET'S GO YANKEES!

lickety jackblog

Monday, October 31, 2005

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Thursday, October 20, 2005

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Monday, October 17, 2005

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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Monday, October 10, 2005

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