Look up, my children, for a new light is shining!It is appropriate, I think, on this pagan day of goblins, ghouls, wights and wizards, for me to bring forth and cry aloud joyous tidings. For this very day, my flock, I have received my ordination and have joined god's legions as a minister in the
Progressive Universal Life Church. My spiritual Leader, Jack J. Stahl (pictured at right) has welcomed me and placed within me the divine flame. A New Star is risen!
So on this day, as Satan and his brethren despoil our beautiful spaceship Earth with orgies of candy and Harry Potter-worship, know that your mortal souls are now held and watched over by a new and mighty Shepherd: Reverend Dan.
Now I think it wise to turn the reins over to Pastor Jack himself. So hear the words of the Sacramento Saint, and revel in their divinity, that we might know more of his sprawling and largely ineffable designs. What's really at the root of your vast spirituality, Pastor Jack?
"In 1969, when I was only 6 years old, "This is Tom Jones" first aired on television. Every week I would sit in front of the TV hypnotized by this gyrating God. Jones' voice made me feel as if I was surrounded by angels. It is a feeling I still experience today. It is a inner peace not easy to describe. It is spiritual.
I have attended more than 200 Tom Jones concerts. For me, it is a very spiritual experience. The stage is indeed Tom Jones' ministry.
Today, I am the leader of The Progressive Universal Life Church in Sacramento, CA.. While doing my spiritual work, I always listen to the angelic voice of singer Tom Jones. I perform sermons, marriages, baptisms, funerals & exorcisms with the aid of Jones' music.
I also dress up & dance like Tom Jones during church services.In 1997, I was voted "Strangest Person in America" by the nationally syndicated television show Strange Universe." (emphasis added, comments taken from
"Pastor Jack and the Church of Tom Jones")
Please feel free to read more of my new spirital leader's bold and refreshing commentary on worship
here and
here.
Well, I think we can all agree who the holiest Jackblogger is (sorry, skirt). I'm available, as Pastor Jack indicated, for weddings, baptisms, funerals and, of course, exorcisms. Rates vary, offer void where prohibited.
Reverend Dan out!
Labels: religion
2006 JACKBLOG ELECTION CONTEST!holy shit! this is going to be huge. it's our first ever congressional makeup guessing contest!
the excitement is palpable here at jackblog industries headquarters, ann arbor michigan. this contest is open to all jackbloggers everywhere and features prizes you'll find
nowhere else.
to enter, apply comment to this post with estimated house of reps and/or senate makeup numbers attached! Jazz up your entries with trash talk and/or headshots of rival jackbloggers photoshopped to rotting corpses. blood geysers encouraged. if you'd prefer to remain anonymous to other bloggers feel free to email them to me at thecoldcowboy at g mail dot com.
remember, the house has 435 seats and the senate has 100. however, if you believe one or more district(s) will be destroyed by november 7th, simply indicate which (and preferably the manner in which they will) meet their grizzly end.
the winners will be the entries closest to the actual makeup of the house and senate post-election.
ties will be settled by a videotaped freestyle rapping battle at date and time to be determined by the blogmaster and preferably MC'd by mission man.
all entries must be posted by midnight, friday night (11/3)
PRIZES
winner of the house contest receives the love and admiration of jackbloggers worldwide. also, i will send them something awesome in the hope that they will post a photo of themselves (with or without a disguise) holding said item with faux excitement upon receipt. seriously, i promise to actually send the winner something great.
winner of the senate contest receives love and admiration of jackbloggers. however, this love is confined to the lower 48 states. in addition, i, the cold cowboy, will issue an extensive post exhalting the name and the legacy of the victorious jackblogger. the winner will also be invited to order me to change the jackblog title header, which hasn't been changed since the 70s. actually, anyone is invited to submit ideas to thecoldcowboy at g mail dot com at any time.
Good luck and godspeed, bloggers of freedom.Labels: congress, mission man
harry potter:
only kind of real now.
and the voyeurs is one step closer to risk-free peepin' on me.
Labels: nerdcore, science
John Purdy arrested in sex scandal. News at 11. Taken from Troy Daily News website (
www.tdn-net.com)
Troy High School band director John Purdy was arrested at 5:30 p.m. Tuesday at Triangle Park in Dayton for engaging in sexual activity with two other men. Purdy was charged with public indecency, a misdemeanor, and taken to the Montgomery County Jail, according to First District Commander Lt. Michael Wilhelm of the Dayton Police Department. A fourth man was arrested at another location after leaving the park.
These are real quotes I heard today while in attendance at a conference with a large number of very prominent/distinguished PhDs & MDs.
"Ahhh....that's true....It would be bad for the terrorists to
blow their load on a small target.....in light of Sept 11th, a small target would be
a waste of the blow, so to speak."
Awesome.
This particular plenary speaker went on to say that the realization that the availability of chemical agents of opportunity for terrorist attacks has grown "
wicked fast since 9/11."
This scientist is clearly a skater/surfer/rollerblader.
regarding two posts ago....
ok, the diebold connection is suspect and definitely represents a conflict of interest (especially in ohio where ken blackwell's a stockholder) but can we collectively admit that the last election was lost by kerry being a horrible candidate who ran a horrible campaign and not by some grand conspiracy?
democrats deserved to lose the last election. they got what was coming to 'em. they're a giant pack of swollen colostomy bags, swollen only slightly less than those of their competitors.
discuss...?
Labels: ohio
Look up, my children, for a new light is shining!
I have attended more than 200 Tom Jones concerts. For me, it is a very spiritual experience. The stage is indeed Tom Jones' ministry.
