Friday Morning Poetry Time!
My Pretty Camo Tent
For woe! For woe! it must be found
Before its time is spent.
Forlorn I'd be if it were lost
My pretty camo tent.
So hidden from the deer was I
When hunting I last went.
Protected, hugged in blots of earth,
My pretty camo tent.
What madness took me, stole my sense?
Could I have maybe lent
My refuge when I'm roughing it,
My pretty camo tent?
And now I'm damned to walk this Earth
To seek til I repent
And cry for my foul sin against
My pretty camo tent.
The greatest treasure I've received,
It cost me not a cent!
But was presented as a gift--
My pretty camo tent.
But now is lost or hiding still,
This vile malevolent
Earth of ours has robbed it up!
My pretty camo tent.
And now it's greatest strength is turned
Against my searching scent,
For wily are it's hiding skills
My pretty camo tent!
But every rock I find I'll turn
Until my back is bent,
Cease not until I rest within
My pretty camo tent.
I hope you're all having lovely Fridays!
-dan
p.s. only a week until the series finale of Friends, So break out the tissue boxes my finely-butted companions!
mary kay, sweet'n low, clint eastwood... where am i headed with this?
j has brought up an important issue that we should be aware of: Pink is the new Black.
what? how can this be? my coworker is also stumped. he says "so what, you dress in all pink now instead of all black? everyone's going to be walking around looking like bottles of pepto-bismol." he's got a good point there. wear all pink? isn't that a gross display of excess? one which will induce heartburn and diarrhea, perhaps hallucinations.
70% of the items in my wardrobe are black. 20% of the remainder do not see daylight but are there to make my closet a more cheerful and diverse place.
As i sit and contemplate the meaning of this fashion news flash a living example passes by my table.
the burly hipster is actually wearing faded pink jeans and a rim cap with pink script. booyah.
it is true.
but not so fast!
you can't just substitute pink for black, you'll look like an idiot. imagine this senario: it's friday night, 10ish, you call sir duncs to see if he wants to meet you at the red room for a stiff drink.
duncan shows up five minutes later wearing his dolce & gabbana paisleys, robins egg blue messenger bag and open to the waist pink shirt. whoa, he looks great! bad example.
but don't be too hasty to commandeer this fashion blip. an onslaught of pink will still be confused with a womens' march, and will be just as funny looking as a crowd of oversized pepto-bismols.
ahhh.
in conclusion, unless you want to look hilarious, do not wear pink in place of black.
wear it with black.
ok, i'm off to show my movie and perform my senior project presentation. wish me luck.
Labels: film
tell me where i have to move to vote for
this man.
ap photo
500,000 is a low estimate. 750,000-800,000 is more like it. in any case, more than any protest i've ever seen. pretty nuts.
re: the new header picture -- i hear the womyn's march for abortion rights drew something insane like half a million marchers. those of you who were there: is that about right? if so, it's good to see the major media outlets pick up the story, just like they did (didn't) with bush's inaguration march we were at...
on a lighter note, i'm glad to see so much pink on this page. as i read in the cosmo next to nebz' crapper, pink is the new black!
i want to talk about ketchup for a minute. it may be a condiment, but i believe it's role in american culture is far greater than anyone is willing to admit.
i have to start by talking about quality. to save you from reading a long and gory tale, i'll tell you that last night i found out that not all ketchup is created equal. in a blind taste test, Heinz no. 57 blows Hunt's right out the window. i'll just say that eating one (Hunt's) is not unlike brushing you teeth with battery acid and rinsing with hot rock salt. the other is heavenly.
on paper, the difference between the two seems negligible. Hunt's contains garlic powder, which Heinz does not. it's here the roads diverge. Hunt's lacks the 'spice' that you'll find in a bottle of Heinz. is this, i wonder, like the mysterious, mystical melange of arrakis? or, is it something more? i do know, it must be the secret.
now that i've established the discrepancy in quality, i can tell you what it means for the american people. we'd be looking at a very different election this year without the Heinz dynasty. had john kerry married the Hunt's heiress, he'd be no more than a city councilman somewhere in the foothills of appalachia. i'll have to have my intern check the stats, but i'm almost certain that kerry's election would mean the first ever tomato based administration to set foot in the white house.
think about that.
Speaking of space-aged Nose Goblins, my friend Jackie has been reading all about the genious-inducing effects of certain debilitating diseases such as syphilis, autism and schizophrenia, along with various types of parasites whose presence in the human body grant their hosts with supernatural (and in some cases superhuman) abilities.
Evidently, Rasputin was affected by a type of parasite which took up residence in the base of each of his eyeballs. Aside from the fact that they made him completely insane and impossible to kill, the eyeball worms are said to have had mesmerizing powers on anyone who looked into his eyes. The descriptions I've read are vaguely reminiscent of Mandelbrot Series Fractalization.
To look into Rasputin's eyes was to look into an ocean of infinite wisdom and other-wordly insight. As the parasites made themselves manifest and altered the blood vessel patterns in his eyes, so did Rasputin's political mystique and charisma grow. While his erstwhile companions may have felt that he had been occupied by some demon force (or perhaps merely that he'd let power go to his head), the parasites were really running the show.
Moral: Don't look into any politician's eyes. Sounds a bit Vonnegutian doesn't it?
to earth day!
our friend sarge sent me this:
"House panel backs bill to outlaw hog-dog fighting competitions"
By CHRIS FRINK
Capitol news bureau
A heavily amended -- and opposed -- bill aimed at outlawing fights between dogs and hogs cleared a House committee Wednesday. Rep. Warren Triche, D-Thibodaux, told the House Committee on the Administration of Criminal Justice that he had significantly changed his House Bill 1244 to mollify opponents.
Those opponents included former Sen. B.B. "Sixty" Rayburn, who told the committee that late Gov. "Uncle" Earl Long first took him hog hunting in 1948.
"This is the most discussed bill this session," said committee Chairman Rep. Danny Martini, R-Metairie.
Proponents showed television coverage of a hog-dog fight in Clarke County, Ala. The report showed smiling families watching a pit bull rip the head of a hog whose tusks had been removed.
Members voted 8-3 for legislation that would outlaw spectator events in which dogs attack feral hogs with the intent or likelihood is that one of the animals would maim or kill the other.
The reconfigured HB1244 would allow hog hunting, hog herding, hog trials and other hog-related sporting events, Triche said.
Hog-dog trials involve trained dogs chasing and chomping down -- often on the ears -- a penned feral hog.
The legislation, sponsored by the Humane Society of the United States, was prompted by media reports of a hog-dog competition in East Feliciana Parish.
The bill specifically exempts Uncle Earl's Hog Dog Trials held annually in Winnfield and designated as the state's official hog trials, Triche said.
Triche -- along with several animal-welfare supporters -- said the bill is aimed at outlawing organized fights between hogs and dogs the same way dog fighting is illegal.
"The only person who should be in favor of this bill is the person who is in favor of animal cruelty," he said.
The bill is unnecessary, Rep. Taylor Townsend, D-Natchitoches, told the committee.
The state already has laws against animal cruelty that cover the activities the bill would ban, he said.
Rayburn -- and other bill opponents including Winnfield's mayor -- warned about the bill's supporters' motives.
They're out to ban hog trials and other hog-related events, Rayburn said.
"Once you open the door, the snakes go to walking," Rayburn said. "I can't understand why people are so upset about a hog's ear. If it was a ham, I could understand it."
"I'm worried about what this will down the road," Rayburn said.
The bill will be considered by the full House.
(slightly edited, picture included after the fact.)
Labels: congress
"Apparently the congressman had left a handgun in his briefcase and forgot it was in there and took it to the security checkpoint." -- Hostettler press secretary Michael Jahr, after Rep. John Hostettler (R-Indiana) was detained at airport security in Louisville. "
oops."
p-tron, et al.:
sorry about that; i'm a scumbag.
oof. It’s somewhat early in the workday, but I’m pretty sure I'm already effed. My crime? I saw Mystic River last night and had the audacity to think that it wasn’t that good.
I think people at work are actually mad at me for this. no wolf.
FRIDAY MORNING MARVEL DOG
by Dan Pribble
This morning I awoke and found
My marvel-dog, a robust hound,
Awaiting, from my steady hand,
A word of loving stern command.
Go feast, my beast! I cackled fast,
Go eat! Bring terror wide and vast.
For this bleak morn is Marvel Day!
Let forth your dire baleful bray!
Said Marvel-Dog “What’s up with that?
A peaceful dog, I am, Fat Cat.
Doomsday hound is not my thing,
So quit your murd’rous blathering.
My jaw dropped nearly to the floor.
What happened to that Marvel-roar?
That Marvel-feasting, Marvel-fear?
That Marvel-chugging Marvel-beer?
“I’m done with that.” he grinned and said.
“I’m gonna be a priest instead.
And spread my word of marvel-love
And wear a rhinestone Marvel-glove.”
Said I “Blasphemer! Hound of doom!”
Demandeth I a mournful gloom!
A pall upon this Marvel-Day
So Kill, great hound, and feast away!”
But he just dropped a Marvel-smile,
A rack of teeth so full of guile
That I just thought I’d smile, too.
Oh Marvel-dog, I do love you!
Also, a baffler: this morning I complete an request for a person named Ian Sue Wing…huh? is it a man? a woman? Scottish? Chinese? What’s going on? And in other, name related news, this Chinese ScotsWoMan ordered an article authored by a dude name Blazaka. BLAZAKA! He get’s my vote for the rockin’-est chemical engineer around.
dear friends:
i estimate that the viewers of lickety jackblog range in number from two to four, including its authors. that said, friends of the jackblog are cordially invited to take full part in the jackblog festivities. simply send me a mailin' at
webmaster@jackbarn.net and you'll be authorized to post as well anytime you like.*
i would like to clear up a few erroneous postings by a certain colleague in recent days:
yes, i did run into one michael jackson just outside my office no more than ten days ago. he gave me a spirited wave with his gloved hand, and i spiritedly returned the gesture. he was not veiled. he was wearing a circa 1800 admiral's uniform in rayburn house office building. i did fall out of favor with my boss, who had tapped me to acquire his autograph in the biographical book bearing his visage entitled "Freak". i did appear in a digital photograph holding said book with a republican staffer who had created a spur-of-the-moment "we love you michael" sign out of office paper, complete with pink hearts. in conclusion, i would simply add that a rendezvous of this caliber is worthy of note, and i suggest that those who feel threatened might be suffering from a galactic case of jacko-envy. end transmission.
(*this offer may not apply to todd nadenichek.)
who taped the carpet yarn to the ceiling?
thank you food lord for your gifts of food, last night and always.
your chowder is magical.
Labels: food
today the cold cowboy would like to say "nah nah nah nah nah" to all o' yo suckaz who did NOT see jacko at the capital this afternoon, unlike he, who did. let him repeat, the cold cowboy would like you all to know that he saw the king of pop. and let you be jealous. perhaps you can call the cowboy for a full report.
p.s. the house would like to thank dan and ultimately joel for alerting us to the magnificence of "the stuff." there is really nothing like it.
Labels: congress
parent weekend is over. the food was good. the tour of the capitol was riveting. we've paved our garage roof with fake grass. come lay on it and enjoy the view. in the week to come we look forward to entertaining the parents of el picador.
Labels: food
here's what the cold cowboy had to say about 4 minutes ago: i'm headed towards the restroom and as i approach a faint & far-off whistling grows louder. when i open the door it's clear- the whistling comes from within, and it's crystal-clear. quite beautiful actually, and astonishingly loud. it's an old (and i mean old) man, hunched over a urinal in mid-stream, whistling like a champion whistler. i went into a stall to do my duty and enjoyed his soulful croonings for another minute or two before he exited the facilities without washing his hands. god bless.
