lickety jackblog

here are some ideas for restaurants (patents pending):

1. "The Bengali Trolley": succulent north indian and bengladeshi cuisine served in a restaurant that slowly moves through town on a track loop. also doubles as public transport, though space is limited and purchase necessary. pick up available; sorry, no delivery. prices range from $6 lunch time meals into the $11-$20 range for dinner. suggested cities: Topeka, Kansas; Reno, Nevada; Sugar Land, Texas.

i stole this idea from a dream i had where i was running away from this force of pure evil that was chasing me through the streets of Graz, Austria and i hid inside a street car which, when i closed the door, turned into a smokey bar/restaurant where sherman jackson was the maitre d', wearing a green gambler's visor and some kind of purple velour hugh hefner smoking jacket. had a giant castro cigar in his mouth and gave me some piece of wisdom that gave me the strength to confront the evil, which i subsequently did on some hilltop when the evil manifested itself in a giant white drive-in movie screen. there should be a lifesize portrait rendition of sherman jackson in those same clothes at the entrance.

2. "The Scotch Crotch": More of a bar than a restaurant, but it ought to serve haggis and all that shit. requires significant archictectural prowess, as the entryway ought to ideally resemble a human crotch - need not be anatomically correct. the 'legs' would preferably extend back to the street and a people mover would bring you from the street to the entrance, but the back of the restaurant wouldn't be more than 20 feet or so from the 'crotch' entry way, so when you go in the maitre d' greets you and there's a coat check and the kitchen is behind that stuff and that's it - you have to make a U-turn into one of the wings to sit down and take in the atmosphere (musty). there are two wings with slightly different themes which are up for debate. on your way up the escalator-style people mover there is a plaid kilt canopy draped across the 'legs' so you don't get rained on during the ride.

concocted, probably over a night of raw cookie dough log consumption, with swisch motherfucking swisch.

Labels: crotches

posted by the cold cowboy @ 11:03 AM