lickety jackblog: January 2005

an example of how drinking beer can save your life

my birthday is june 29th. get me the t-shirt at the bottom.

first we clean up the highway. then, the genepool.

more weatherman videos!

if you thought mutv was bad (it is), check this shit out, straight from ou.

ok.

ye olde cockfighting poste:

oklahoma's gonna humane it up with some boxing gloves.

what once was a violent and cruel $100 milion business shall forever more be a cute and cuddly $100 million business.

doppelganger alert!

I was born in LaPorte, Indiana, in October of 1957. My parents, Virginia Nice Snavley and Jim Snavley, named me John David, after two bible characters who were great friends. As a little boy, they told me that my name meant “friendship.”

The space age was also born in October of 1957, when the Soviet Union launched the first Earth-orbiting satellite. Sputnik weighed 184 pounds. I weighed eight and one half pounds.

enjoy this painful romp through a cruel and hopefully distant branch of poor spellers on my family tree. this man and i share a middle and last name and as i am at work i have been unable to listen to his songs, though i am particularly anxious to hear "the heaven's (sic) declare your glory". my hope is that it's an autobiographical song. everyone knows it's -e-l-y!

Labels: doppelgangers, music

Mark Mathis Update

remember Mark Mathis? Charlotte's favorite weatherman?

bet you couldn't have guessed.

Everything is gay. Watch this. Admire the genius.

Labels: gays

Massachusetts Institute of Turdology

Here's what I hope is an entertaining story concerning a "Local Technology Expert" at the "Massachusetts Institute of Technology." This dude supposedly keeps up our network, devicery etc etc...So anyway, nothing seems to work today. Electronic order forms are busted, email is getting sent all around all over the place, shit is effed up is essentially what I'm getting at. So Local Technology Expert comes in, is informed of the many problems and ponders for a moment. When he finally speaks, thsi is what we, the unknowing peons, get for our trouble:

"Well, you know what? There's a traffic light downtown that's not on. I don't mean flashing or anything, it's just not on. What can I say? It snowed."

What!?!

p.s. What's with all the Pats hatred? The way I see it, they did Big Ben a favor. If the kid had won his first 18 games in a row and finished with a superbowl victory, where the hell do you go next year? The Pats just gave the kid something to shoot for during his sophomore slump. They've also exposed that they are, without a doubt, the greatest team in the AFC. So all you whiners can can go cry a river full of soft lapping waves to quietly rock the citizens of Pissburgh and Indiancrapolis to sleep.

See you fucks in Jacksonville!

Labels: nerdcore

you guys remember that mtv special a few years back about plastic surgery? it featured some fuck who wanted, and got, calf implants! he had several hilarious quotes, such as: "it's like, i go to the gym EVERY DAY, and i work my calves the whole time, but they don't improve! so everyone in the gym is staring at my calves and laughing" and "i'm absolutely perfect in every way -- except for my calves."

well, i found out that he's now doing gay porn.

p.s. -- fuck the pats. fuck them in hell.

Labels: gays

Query:

I was wondering if anyone else might have happened to turn to 60 Minutes on Wednesday night and found that it had been bumped til one in the morning and that in its place was the "The Billy Graham Television Special Featuring Franklin Graham"? Or was that just my local station? Hey, who needs news when you got savin' to do?

Labels: religion

that dude we know from high school.

okay this is terrible. i can't remember this kids last name and its driving me a little crazy. i just thought about him randomly because i picked up a pharoache monch album and he went crazy for him. he was a football player. we knew him in high school. he went to college and came back wearing hilarious hipster clothes and old man shoes. he had a new hilarious hair style. his name is tim...something. class o' 99 fools im looking at you. what ever happened to tim...what's his name. i think his last name started with a c.

since the topic of karpcokes has emerged i thought it pertinent to share this (map) with you. karpcoke must have fallen under the "other" category at the time this map was made. I think we should ensure that it's use grows to at least warrant it's own color distinction. enjoy an icey cold karpcoke.

Is it Science? Is it Fiction? No, wait! It's Arisia, 05!

Sorry chumps, but this mofo's going to a SciFi convention this weekend and y'all aren't. That's right. Arisia 05, here in the cradle of liberty. The weekend promises to be magnificent, needless to say. I will be attending fascinating talks on intrepid new topics ranging from the staying power of Klingon culture to the devastating effects of sleep apnea, from the reemergence of the piratical swashbuckler, to some woman who has 200 hats and just wants to talk about them. LARPs will be running around the clock, as will games of Illuminati and nerd orgies set to They Might Be Giants tunes. Filk songs will bound through the hallways, candies bars will be hastily consumed. Audio visual activities will include airings of Howard the Duck, Shaolin Soccer, the Fifth Element and more Star Trek than you can shake a stick at. And for those who are interested and would like to share in the experience, I'm willing to MUD with anybody who wants to at any time this weekend by way of my sweet new iBook which I will be flossing proudly amongst the nerd herds. Give me a time and an IP address and I'll see you there. diku- or aberMUDs only, please. None of this graphical bullshit.

Peace, chumps. And may the force be with you.

Labels: nerdcore

the young nick raymond has brought this to my attention.

http://www.rrstar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20041124/BUSINESS06/41124006/1019/BUSINESS06

remember everyone, anything with a cord will kill you.

how are things in d.c. today, what with the gearing up for inaguration? i seem to remember four years ago when we were there, and a little thing called "no free speech zones". what's new this time?

the nominations are in...

for the 2005 Donkeyscotch Trophy, awarded annually to the Jackblog-linked webmaster whose site opened with great fanfare but who last updated it during the carter administration.

will it be :

-candycanesammy?

-little gordie?
or
-the editors of the jackblog for their lackluster hall of atrocities?

the first result of my search for 'mike snavely' turns up quite a gem

who's the friend, snaves?

Labels: doppelgangers

move to north carloina now, for this reason.

your lickety jackblog January statistics report

So far in January, we've received:

-34 Hits from Canada
-21 Hits from Croatia (Hrvatska)
-13 from the Netherlands
-04 from Seychelles

croatians? seychellians? reveal yourselves. also: where my asians at?

also of note: along with still more seychellians and a crapload of danes, somebody living in myanmar hit the jackblog in december. as i recall, the military junta has restricted all access to the Interweb, leaving only two possible identities of this individual: 1. evil teenage overlord personally in charge of rape of Burma who cruised through looking for obscure mission man tracks and is at this very moment rocking out to 'chillin' at the papa'; 2. rebel freedom fighter Aung Song Suu Kyi personally accessing our site from some hidden compoud buried deep beneath a rotting Burmese prison, presumably for spiritual or emotional support.

Labels: mission man

I had all of the people I sit with at work listening to BJ Snowden today. She's got a bunch of songs on her website now.

The one that finally made Ryan veto the entire experiment was: In Canada, which I think is also a favorite of Mr. Flynn's.

Her website is www.bjsnowdenmusic.com.

Believe it or not, she graduated from the Berklee College of Music, and is employed as a music teacher...

Labels: music

can someone please, in some sort of explanation that makes a lick of sense, explain to me why there is no push to impeach bush? homeboy before him rocks a dickjob in the white house, lies about it, and gets censured; now johnny texas lies about an entire war and gets motherfucking reelected, ready to run roughshod over the whole country.

note at the very bottom, the impotent quote from pelosi. c'mon pelosi: you're a rep., you're a democract, and you're a woman! you have no right to question the president -- that's why your quote is at the very bottom. go back to russia.

i'm sure everyone is sick of this topic, and that's why this administration is full of geniuses -- reveal that the original vision and reason for the war was false way after the fact, when it doesn't matter. then no one cares. as for me, i don't mind being boring about these things.

Labels: congress

The true ultimate zing, courtesy of News of the Weird:

Readers' Choice

After Billy W. Williams, 53, skipped out during his trial for aggravated assault in 2003 in Dallas, he was found guilty in absentia, but Judge Faith Johnson apparently was not quite satisfied. When Williams was recaptured and returned to her courtroom in October 2004 for sentencing, Johnson organized a "party" in his "honor," with balloons, streamers and a cake, to create a festive backdrop for her gleeful announcement that she was sentencing him to a life term.

the supreme court actually does something good.

Labels: supreme court

tonight you will be visited by three assholes.

1) the cherubic asshole of christmas past
2) the dingleberry-encrusted asshole of christmas present
3) the hemorrhoidal, pock-marked asshole of christmas future

Mondieu! She is breathtaking,

and so graceful.

alec-

we're on the seven days of samsara website in their fuckin' photo gallery. it's from the fucking show that we saw in 2000. fucking weird or what?

Labels: music

re: tall bike comes to kentucky

tell me that ain't sexy...
what'd you name her, mon cher?

The Tall Bike Comes to Kentucky Murray: 'ey, man. Check'is out. 'At dude's on fire. An' e's ridin' a tall-ass bike. I ain't never seen any shit like 'at.

ralphnsocks fans will be heartened to know the latest episode in the brothsea of bovus has arrived here. ralphnsocks enemies be forewarned: the end is nigh...

Labels: ralphnsocks

more pictures

1
2
3
4

ok.

TODD! i need your correct email address. (is it one in the comment you left?)

pictures from the new years gala at jackbarn
here
hope all had fun across the globe and that we'll be seeing you in the new year.
good cheer!

attention wwf fans:

remember chyna? turns out she made a porno aptly titled, "a night in china," which is being distributed by the same people who were behind the paris hilton video. her co-star? none other than the infamous X-Pac. to top it off... he ass fucks her. worth 49.95? you tell me.

Labels: wrestling

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Monday, January 31, 2005

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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

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