lickety jackblog: December 2004

o-town on the 26th:

gentlemen: where is the o-town party on the 26th?

But Mom, why can't I get a handgun for Christmas?!

According to Dick Metcalf, in the November/December 1992 issue of Handgunning, published in Peoria, Illinois:

"Here's the bottom line: there is nothing in any federal, state, or local law that actually prohibits you from purchasing a firearm for the purpose of transferring it as a gift to someone else. But the procedures involved can be so very damned complicated as to take nearly all of the fun out of it.

"Oh, well.

"Have a merry Christmas anyway."

ho ho ho, merry christmas.
free ipods to those willing to grovel.

Labels: music

The following is an actual memo I received earlier today from my boss, Cathy, the Conflicts Coordinator on the 18th floor:

"Hello...as the holidays are near and winter begins tomorrow, please make at least one snowflake for me to display at my desk. As Katherine knows, this is an annual event and participation is mandatory. Thank you. Cathy"

I'm losing my mind. Please advise.

just witnessed major crime happen from the window of my apartment. called cops, told dispatcher that there were three suspects. Only saw the race of one (who was white). but inexplicably when the cops showed up they had the race of all three, and I had been the only one who called. Apparently the cops were able to identify the other two as black male. ah, the justice system. they are now literally conducting an apartment by apartment search of the complex next door to me. doubt i will be sleeping much tonight. toodles.

it's furry time!

guys
its times like this i remember i might be taking this country for granted. its east to forget how awesome and insane it is. luckily i have the good folks at toyota to remind me once in a while.

ahh the future.

Not to beat the Mission Man string to death, but on a related note, are any of you dudes familiar with the so-called "Outsider Music" scene?

And, more specifically, have any of you heard any music from the "Songs in the Key of Z" series or read the accompanying book? I've heard a lot of the music, and it's really quite something (for some of the same reasons that Gary is quite something), and I just ordered the book, which is sort of a documentary on some of the more interesting personalities...

Labels: mission man

FYI to those joining us for the "2K5: Year of the Jackbal" gala, i'll be out of town (in naughtyland) and unreachable by phone from december 20 to december 26 so if you or someone you know needs directions i can do it before or after then. in the meantime, anyone interested in pick-up games of boneyball need only give me a shout out. as always, goalie dibs.

Just booked my flight to the Jackbarn. Arrives at the Deathstar airport (BWI) at around 10pm, Thursday 12/30. Leaves from there at 8ish on Sunday 1/2.

When are other schlongs generally arriving?

mission man guestbook, r.i.p.

the forces of evil have prevailed...this time. at swisch's request i have hereby installed the mm guestbook link in the infamous hall of atrocities. the link to the right will henceforth lead to his main page, where visitors may bask in his untainted magesty.

Labels: mission man

hold on to your hats...

in light of the holiday spirit i present you with an uplifiting movie trailer. presenting :too young to die starring stamos and simmons...as in john and gene!. vanity - the new bread of temptress! stamos - the new breed of hero!

Labels: film

ladies and gents --

since there seems to be so much interest in and discussion about mission man, i thought i'd post something for everyone's enjoyment. so, from may of this year, i give you a rough edit of the:

noah applebaum vs. gary milholland rap battle at papa john's

Labels: mission man

finals over. suck it.

for fans of ralph n socks, another collaboration is currently underway entitled "the Brothsea of Bovus." watch this work-in-progress unfold at http://www.jackbarn.net/ralphnsocks/.

Labels: ralphnsocks

mission man thoughts, continued...

1. what is your favorite mission man song? right now i'd have to say "out of high school" but "memories" always gets me going.

2. i'm worried that the haterz on the mission man bulletin board will ruin the glory for everyone. what can be done to stop their evil? we must protect the innocence and fight for the honor of our magnanimous hero on his most noble of missions. what have you done for mission man today?

Labels: mission man

please tell me a jackblogger is responsible for some of the gems popping up on the mission man guestbook. these are golden.

Labels: mission man

don't know if anyone saw 60 minutes last night, but they ran a story about some of the soldiers who the military is calling back into service. Two included a 50-something woman who had served in the reserves in the 60's and never officially retired, and a 47 year old man who had been wounded in a military training accident.

anyway, the times ran a story today about a group of 8 soldiers suing to leave the middle east after the military extended their time.

i think i would have rather seen the moses: 10 commandments tour...
check this guy and his bots out if you get the chance. it's unlike anything. (C!br)

"One day, Dan Rather signed off a broadcast with the single word, 'Courage.' A noble gesture, at once commanding and empathetic. But it had no more effect than if he had said, “Porridge.” Such is the great ineffable quality of Dan Rather."

Yes, just what is the frequency, Kenneth?

You have three weeks to meet my holiday demands. Item #1: Has Been The illustrious new release by Admiral First Class, Poet Laureate, Equestrian... William Shatner. Don't make me beg.

ladies and gentlemen of the jackblog:

to those joining us in the center of the universe for 2k5, welcome aboard. looks like we'll have quite a haul of ents and entwives, particularly from the boston/oxford/lousiville crewz and with considerable representation in the baton rouge/chicago/philadelphia/cincinnati demographickz. i welcome any and all travel/partygoer/date/time inquiries at thepeanutguy@hotmail.com. our brave knight, sir duncsalot, hath secured free keg(s) of delicious capitol city entwash for your consumption. godspeed.

also, the enchanted bowtie of frogmorton dazzled all who dared lay eyes upon it.

Former CIA Director George J. Tenet yesterday called for new security measures to guard against attacks on the United States that use the Internet, which he called "a potential Achilles' heel."

"I know that these actions will be controversial in this age when we still think the Internet is a free and open society with no control or accountability," he told an information-technology security conference in Washington, "but ultimately the Wild West must give way to governance and control."

Here's the rest.

End War, Eliminate Taxes, Reduce Crime by 70%!

this man has the answer!

My name is Eric Monte and I am the co-creator of, "Good Times," and the creator of "What's Happening," as well as the co-writer of, "Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat," and the writer of, "Cooley High." Although I am known mostly for my skills in writing comedy, I have written a book on how we can achieve world peace in our generation and why we are the first generation that will be able to accomplish that incredible, wonderful feat. The book is due to be released on December 15th, 2004....i am also available for speaking engagements..."

KuLtuRal kOrNEr!

In this week's KuLtuRaL kOrNEr, Timmy Klubpatrick writes:

dear asian ex-pats:
how does a japanese man klub-kall?
what about a chinese business man?

love,
timmy klubpatrick

p.s. wann'beindeKLeeerb?

an o-town christmas

i'll be visiting the lovely shores of the river ohio for the holidays this year again. should be in town for about two weeks if any of you oxford people want to hang out call my parents. be in town from the 21st to the 3rd.

p.s. i hope i can share my new found 'japanese christmas' culture with you all this holiday season. in othe words, i hope we can all make it out to KFC for some chicken, then go home and eat 'kurisumasu keeki' and fuck like bunnies.

check this shit out: sleazy science fiction covers from way back when. "odd john" is my favorite, for obvious reasons, but there are some other choice bits included as well.

Labels: nerdcore

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