i've been moonlighting as the intramural basketball coach for the past two months. the following email was issued to the entire school and we're expecting a huge turnout, including the dean. if you're in the neighborhood, be there. as i promised my team, i will be wearing a suit on the sidelines of Crisler Arena when we battle the cellular & molecular biologists for the graduate intramural basketball trophy.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the F0rd School,
Please join us for an historic moment in F0rd School history this coming Monday, February 19th, 8:30pm at Crisler Arena, where, beneath its sparkling lights our very own Gerald R. Superstars will compete for the intramural championship and the love and admiration of all Americans, basketballers and freedom-lovers.
Through the annals of sports history, seldom has there been a Cinderella story so moving, so triumphant.
Amidst a crowded field of graduate B-league intramural championship hopefuls one rag-tag team of policy students came together under an unalienable bond of sportspersonship, and found that their first order conditions of basketball were set to zero and that their second order conditions were, indeed, negative.
The Gerald R. Superstars were optimized for victory.
On January 17th, with little more than a dream and uncanny quantitative wisdom, 17 brave men and women took to the courts to fight for great justice and the Fordian way. Let their names be heard:
{redacted}
They defeated the nuclear engineers, the feared School 0f Information "Dewey Decimators", and some other guys who were huge jerks and deserved to lose, and were vaunted to the glistening rafters of the graduate-faculty-staff B league A bracket.
They came from behind against the fierce Med School "M1 Show5toppers" to triumph in the final seconds. And last night, against the Scho0l of Public Health's creatively-titled "SPH" squad, they faced their most fearsome opponents yet. But a savage and penalty-ridden full court press would not stop the mighty Geralds. In the closing seconds of overtime, the roof of the IMSB opened, the light of the heavens shone through, and {JF}'s 3-point shot soared, as if nestled in some unseen and divinely-charged chariot shepherded by elegant clydesdales of victory, into the basket for the win.
And so it is with great pleasure and steadfast resolve that General Manager {EBD}, Team Captain {DG} and Head Coach {The Cold Cowboy} cordially invite you, F0rd School associate, to cheer your team on to victory on Monday.
With your support we have no doubt that we will end our wire-to-wire undefeated season victorious.
See you on Monday,
Manager D, Captain G and Coach {Cowboy}
...photo & or video montage of monday's event to follow.
posted by the cold cowboy @ 4:14 PM
8 Comments:
cold cowboy, you are the author of this aren't you.
My life is now complete.
The only question: Who will portray the cold cowboy in the movie that will inevitably be made about this miraculous run: Ed Harris or Denzel Washington?
Or Matthew Perry? (The resemblance is uncanny.)
consider this one vote for Denzel in "Remember the Geralds"
but of the three, only Matthew Perry could even attempt to come close to matching the cowboy's astounding physical mannerisms...
So...what happened? How could you leave us hanging like this for a WEEK, cowboy?
yeah, I'm with Dan- what gives cowboy??
You got skunked didn't you cowboy. Oy. It's okay, hombre. That's what next year is about: vengeance. You may recall that Rocky didn't win the first time around, either.
And he went on to a triumphant 6 films.
Looks like Denzel is only opening a lucrative franchise! See you next year in 'Geralds Rising!'
skunked would be a mild word indeed - the final score was 51-18 -- a 33-point margin. but we did have somewhere in the vicinity of 60-75 spectators, including the dean, associate dean and 10 other faculty/staff members there to witness the slaughter.
and the dudes we played were clearly ringers. mollecular biologists programmed to ball.
denzel is still the obvious choice.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home