lickety jackblog

Well, people, I've hit rock bottom. After a long dry spell, I finally succumbed to my urge to go on a bloody dungeon crawl. Really, that's not the bad part. The bad part is, I don't have many friends around here. None of them are remotely interested in hearing about a campaign to disrupt orc slave routes, or kill a dragon, burn its body and piss on the ashes before hauling off his gold in a big-ass bag of holding. Nor would they want to engage in such a campaign. That leaves me with two options. I can go to the game store and play magic the gathering with high school dropouts and homeless men, or I can rent a video game.

I'm sure you'll be disappointed to hear, I rented a game. Champioins of Norrath, by the people who brought us Dark Alliance. It was going reasonably well, (though I can't say it's as much fun playing alone) until I got to the Underworld. Now, my character at this point is a 12th level dark-elven knight. Keep that in mind when I get to this next bit. The game's pretty simple: wander around slaying evil things, and ocassionally someone will ask you to help them complete a mission. Well, I wound up in a gnome village. It was there that I met Mayor Froes (er, something). He was distraught, pulling his hair wringing his hands distraught, about his missing daughter, Tenya. It seems young Tenya had wandered off to the underworld. The good mayor was quite worried about her well-being, as I've said, and asked if I would retrieve her (in exchange for treasure of course). Being the kind-hearted dark elf that I am, I agreed to bring the young Tenya home. Off I went to the Underworld, where I soon found the lass. She couldn't have come any higher than my bejeweled and enchanted elven codpiece, but she had the nerve to refuse her father's order to follow me home. Not only that, but she insisted that I stay in the caverns, and search for her lost kittens(I shit you not). Now, I'm a fairly wealthy dark-elven knight, and if I had the choice I would have lopped off her head and told her father to shove his "treasure" up his chapped ass. Well, it's a video game, so I had to go along with it. I slew countless undead reptilian humanoids, and destroyed an entire army of skeletons, all for five kittens and little gnomish girl. I've never been so humiliated. I'm such a whore.

posted by lonesomeswishdog @ 1:50 AM