lickety jackblog

2011-04-27T11:15:00.002-04:00

backbone

2011-03-30T16:39:00.002-04:00

you should probably read this whole thing:

A Bengali holy man known to his followers as Prahansatha the Second underwent periods of meditative chanting during which his eyes exited their sockets and ascended to float above his head, connected only by their dura-mater cords, and thereupon performed (i.e., the floating eyes did) rhythmically stylized rotary movements described by Western witnesses as evocative of dancing four-faced Shivas, of charmed snakes, of interwoven genetic helices, of the counterpointed figure-eight orbits of the Milky Way and Andromeda galaxies around each other at the perimeter of the Local Group, or of all four (supposedly) at once.

2011-03-25T19:05:00.000-04:00

an era has ended

2011-03-22T11:34:00.004-04:00

team, i have decided after 7 glorious years to retire 'jackbarn.net'.

the unused blog will remain here in perpetuity (posts still welcome, etc), and all files have been saved so that, at some future date and domain, when time and effort reveal themselves to me, i might resurrect them and lead us all to the promised land. peanut guy, ralphnsocks, and rodd flash movies will be there.

let there be food,
t.c.c.

Chalmers and Walcott

2011-01-04T12:05:00.003-05:00

Coal and gas could never chain the Chalmerians or Walcotti.

Lesser ancient gods were they, doomed by their elders to live in human shells for an age. But in their cold Indiana hearts an eternal flame burnt brightly, fueled by an ambrosia dream from which they would never, could never waver. In the wintry tundra off route 231, while the eyes of the great were elsewhere, they constructed leviathan ivory towers with what little strength their fragile human flesh could manage.

At such great heights, the ice-cold wind would surely carry them o'er the prison walls of that chapped Midwestern plain. Boldly, with purpose, they would defy the Gods and climb back triumphantly into the gilded halls of heaven.

So it was written. So it shall be.

weep with beauty at justin bieber, slowed down 800%

2010-08-17T14:45:00.001-04:00

i recommend inhaling cannabis beforehand.
J. BIEBZ - U SMILE 800% SLOWER by Shamantis

Cincinnati Public Transit & Parking

2010-08-16T16:32:00.003-04:00

looks like Cincinnati is on track to break ground as early as next year with its streetcar plans. Bomb-ass stuff, though it'll start out pretty small-scale going from the stadiums in the south up to Over-the-Rhine to start out, with extensions planned to UC, the zoo, Walnut Hills, and Union Station.

View Cincinnati Streetcars + Subway Bore in a larger map

I also threw in the existing subway bore that runs under Cincy right now for comparison. I think i've had conversations with a few of you about whether or not they could be used to host light rail/streetcars. The verdict seems to be yes, tentatively - there are three existing below-ground stations that are already bored out with platforms - but the route of the old subway appears to be somewhat antiquated for public transit now that they bulldozed the homes along the current I-75, leaving land use densities there pretty sparse if you want to get people to ride. Might be a good route for some northern extension (e.g. following US 27) of the other planned Light Rail route, which would go up to Milford through Walnut Hills and Downtown (maybe i'll add that some other time). Gotta say though, the light rail thing seems like a stretch at least for the time being. Too pricey and not enough interest I reckon.

The other news is that Cincinnati is thinking of relaxing parking requirements - antiquated zoning relics that require developers to build off-street parking. Next step would be to get rid of all the empty parking lots downtown.

Seems like Cincinnati planners really have their shit together.

endless celestial sex

2010-08-11T13:17:00.001-04:00

kill yourself before you watch this

2010-07-29T17:19:00.001-04:00

we, as a planet, are collectively doomed.

2010-07-21T12:35:00.002-04:00

Attn:

2010-07-09T19:21:00.001-04:00

Attn:

2010-07-09T19:12:00.001-04:00

the end of an era

2010-06-15T12:46:00.004-04:00

you have, of course, seen this already. but for posterity's sake:

MONROE — Charred remnants remained this morning, June 15, of the large Jesus statue iconic to Interstate 75 that was destroyed following an apparent lightning strike during a thunderstorm late Monday night.

The Lawrence Bishop Music Theater at Solid Rock Church on Union Road endured smoke damage, according to officials. Damages to the King of Kings statue and the theater were estimated to be around $700,000, said Monroe Fire Chief Mark Neu.

No one was injured in the blaze.

The smell of smoke surrounded the area of the statue’s charred frame, and the pond in front of it appeared murky, witnesses said.
[...]
“God struck God, I like the irony. Jesus struck Jesus,” said Dawn Smith, 25, of Hamilton, who was among those standing outside the vehicles along Union Road. “I had to see it. What else are you going to do on a Monday night?”
[...]
“It sent goosebumps through my whole body because I am a believer,” said Levi Walsh, 29. “Of all the things that could have been struck, I just think that that would be protected. ... It’s something that’s not supposed to happen, Jesus burning,” he said. “I had to see it with my own eyes.”

“I can’t believe Jesus was struck,” said his brother, who noted the giant Hustler Hollywood sign for the adult store across the street was untouched. “It’s the last thing I expected to happen.”

please, read it in its entirety. i smell a Pulitzer.

holy hell

2010-06-01T16:56:00.001-04:00

http://www.sketchybunnies.com/

good for what ails you.

2010-05-05T19:07:00.006-04:00

Stanislaus Fleapelt crowned king of dog-land!

2010-04-30T15:55:00.003-04:00

Dogville -- today, Stanislaus Fleapelt ascended to the throne at last, vowing to "serve the citizens of Doglandia with grace and compassion." He brings with him the fair maiden, her highness, Missus O'Chuckles.

Outgoing monarchs Chuck Haroldson and Darlene McPaulberg congratulated Fleapelt as they bade Doglandia adieu, boarding the charter ferry to Horse-Kansas where a bounty of whisker-clad servants await them.

i wanna do somethin' ancient to ya

2010-04-09T19:02:00.000-04:00

FREE THE Ds

2010-01-25T19:36:00.002-05:00

This crime shall not be forgotten!

MADISON (AP) -- A man serving life in prison for first-degree intentional homicide has lost his legal battle to play Dungeons and Dragons behind bars.

Kevin T. Singer filed a lawsuit against officials at Wisconsin's Waupun prison after a policy was initiated in 2004 to eradicate all Dungeons and Dragons game materials among concerns that playing it promotes gang-related activity.

SARGE! prepare for the legal battle of the century! stack the jury with half-orcs! bribe the judge with a +2 vorpal gavel of righteousness!

FREE KEVIN T.'s Ds!

pardon me. but this song rules.

2010-01-22T17:22:00.000-05:00

2009-12-01T19:25:00.000-05:00

here:

2009-11-20T14:56:00.001-05:00

melt your brain with this.

blogs of glory: november 2009 official selection

2009-11-17T14:59:00.002-05:00

you may remember don from his thought-provoking analysis of one (of many) horrible angerblog posts-of-yore.

now, he's our official selection for this month's blog awards for this mesmerizing new entry, "likes and dislikes." a sample:

Likes:
people who turn their house into a home
the bottom line
a team concept
falling in love
Dislikes:
iran's undying mission of violence
dirty keyboards
big titties stuffed inside of a little bra

fin

who loves art?

2009-10-15T22:39:00.002-04:00

art month rolls on!

move over picasso. it's (nsfw) valevortex, king of etsy!:

Welcome to my shop.
I would like to apologize to my viewers, for i have recived many complains about my paintings. I would like to calmly explain to you the story, but apologizing makes me nurvous, makes me feel sick, even crazy.
VALEVORTEX

the cincinnati beret

2009-10-12T19:12:00.002-04:00

i, for one, am deeply offended by this.

also: who dey.

juffaloes/juffalettes

2009-10-09T14:47:00.005-04:00

pardon me, but are you familiar with the term "juffalo"? it refers to a wannabe juggalo poseur.

did you also know that my fake ass cuzin erinis a total juffalette?!?

let me ask u one question do u know what a juggalo is???????????? because im sure u dont! do u know anything? i bet u dont soo u need to either comment or call me... make sure u call the house because my cell phone went thurw the wall the other day.... so i love u and hope u die

also, don't miss the comments. because im not trying to be you..! And if i were... it'd be kinda hard being you and a whore at the same time..

jesus/aragorn presents: american freedom

2009-10-09T12:14:00.005-04:00

hey folks! by now i'm sure you've already ordered your $2500 66" x 44" print of this: an actual depiction of the founding of america at the steps of gondor by Earth's First Artist, John McNaughton! perfect for bathrooms and bedroom ceilings.

fine art connoisseurs that you are, you've probably also seen this; the plato to mcnaughton's socrates.

but you may not be aware of the great new movement of mcnaughtonism currently sweeping the nation. thusly i wonder if you've not seen this? or, most importantly, this?

juggalo/furry singularity

2009-10-06T17:09:00.003-04:00

pretty much exactly as described above.

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/thegreatmilenko/

All hail, Milenko the Cheetah.

all hail environment science

2009-10-01T18:20:00.003-04:00

aka paging brad martin. my girlfriend is looking into a master's program in environment science. she would like to pepper you with questions...

brad do you still check the jackblog? or does anyone have brad's email address? or does anybody still check the jackblog?

thanka you sirs

sean o'reilly.

Autotune the news

2009-09-10T16:56:00.000-04:00

The truth at last... everything does sound better

Startling revelations:

2009-08-11T09:35:00.002-04:00

A certain Dan was visiting and made it clear that he had not seen some of the lonely Island videos, which I will now recommend to all including on a boat, giz in my pants, and Liake a boss featured here:

Old Greg

2009-08-11T09:33:00.003-04:00

In case any of you have forgotten about the beauty of the creamy salty baileys,...

Sorry Guys...

2009-07-15T11:10:00.001-04:00

I know how many of you own centaurs. Well, breeding them is now illegal in Louisiana. Read the law.

The Economist sentence of the week

2009-07-08T18:53:00.002-04:00

"His thinking is a curious melange of leftism, dirigisme and liberalism whose Cartesian logic sometimes seemed crystalline only to himself."

Son of Loggins

2009-06-18T12:30:00.001-04:00

Loggins 2.0

iranian twitter moles

2009-06-16T15:24:00.002-04:00

twitter actually doesn't suck this week, on account of all the amazing shit coming out of iran. that includes the hapless attempts by the iranian government to create twitter accounts masquerading as students questioning all the protesting:

Froggerle: "You (west) are supporting protestors because you think it is uprising against Islam. You want them also poisoned by MCDonald"
Obamaspy: "Please stop supporting the US funded "protests" in Teheran. CIA just wants to destabilize our democracy."

i ain't gettin' no work done today. just reading #IranElection.

Furries, Republicans, Must Be Stopped.

2009-06-03T14:15:00.005-04:00

Klingons 4-ever:

In a series of instant messages and online chats, Alan David Berlin, 40, of Carlisle, discussed dressing up in animal costumes and engaging in various sex acts with the boy, the state attorney general's office said yesterday...
Mr. Berlin used the screen name "alan_panda_bear" in his messages. He also used that name for an online personal ad that depicts cartoonish panda bears, one wearing a diaper...
"I'm a Daddyfur and Caretaker and I am looking for a babyfur to be my mate and my companion in a long-term committed relationship," the ad says. "I am a hopeless romantic and very affectionate, freely giving hugs, scritches, cuddles and kisses."

He was an aide to a(of course)Republican known for (of course) being "tough on sex crimes." Noble fucking stance, Rep. Orie. Read it in full here.

why wasn't i notified?

2009-05-27T20:40:00.000-04:00

GO KLINGONS.

Blog of Glory nominee: Brevity category

2009-05-27T20:37:00.002-04:00

you be the judge: here.

oakland: still adorable

2009-05-27T20:07:00.005-04:00

oakland, california! at least we've got great weather.

i was at an A's game last night -- total attendance was around 8,000 and my field-level ticket was $10. between the shootings-in-the-back, the riots, the (other) murders we've got a lot on our plate. and it seems the good folks at city hall do too. in fact, they're in dire need of a Recreation Leader II. Just check out the City of Oakland Employment Opportunities page, where you will find the City of Oakland Human Resources mission: "to be regarded as the model for integrating state-of-the-art human resource services in the public sector," followed by this job posting:

state-of-the-art indeed.

Worst logo ever...

2009-04-23T17:29:00.001-04:00

From Andrew Sullivan and our friends at Fark: WORST LOGO EVER

For fans of the The Wire

2009-04-23T14:39:00.003-04:00

In case you missed it last week: David Simon interviewed by Bill Moyers

Furry Chappy Attacks St. Frank

2009-04-20T20:23:00.004-04:00

it's almost too hideous to imagine, but it's real as shit, and way too close to home. at San Francisco's Cherry Blossom festival/parade this past weekend, the most sinister of hideous cat-chappies emerged to give the Seung-Mina and Sailor-Moon crowd "quite the ribbing". also, they're stealing our women.

if i knew folks would be dressing up like Soul Caliber characters downtown I'd have strapped on my Voldo outfit and cued up the nelly.

Bay Area Monster Mash

2009-03-20T21:09:00.001-04:00

In all seriousness, we descend upon the bay from late 4/4 through early 4/10 (possibly 4/11), and will be based in the warm laps of the Muff/Meatcoat homefront. I would love nothing more then to see all and sundry. If there is any way for folks to get down during that time, I will provide frisbees, cooking, and a daily liturgy, pronounced at dawn.

There will be neither a jot nor tittle of work; it's rare for either M. or I, and I want to enjoy as many of you west coast dwelling Ra worshippers as I can.

where's ashton?

2009-03-17T20:01:00.002-04:00

ask the peanut guy appears third on this list, entitled "just for guys", right after "all about wet dreams." also on the list: a link to a page all about jock itch.

submitted for your approval

2009-03-13T20:51:00.003-04:00

via r3tr0, it's badpaintingsofbarackobama.com:

2009-03-11T12:47:00.002-04:00

Maybe it's not all bad.

It has finally been made clear to me why the World Baseball Classic is so imperative.

It has turned Fidel Castro into the sports-blogger we've all been waiting for.

From making reference to the "dangerous and emblematic Ichiro," to declaring his desire that "[Cuba's] victory in the Classic to be achieved at the expense of [Japan]; a team that has tremendous technical expertise," I think we can all agree that the the WBC has finally found its voice for a new age.

Special thanks to Tom Verducci for the drop on this magnificent development.

affectionate connections

2009-03-07T23:02:00.000-05:00

it is what it is.

Hey Ladies

2009-03-03T18:27:00.001-05:00

So, which of the lovely jackblog-ettes is willing to step up to the plate and try this?

Presumably Unintentional Hilarities of Capitalism, Chapter Umpteen

2009-02-25T14:17:00.005-05:00

I'm guessing these things are all over your internets, too: Obstreperous, occasionally huge or flashy banner ads enticing you to clickthrough and discover how you, too, can receive a fat paycheck from Uncle Barry. Up to $12,000! Big fat cash; no lobbying required! The American Fuckin' Dream, baby!!

Anyway, some turd was unsavvy enough to affix his "blog" address to one of them, enabling us to visit without generating any ad revenue for the banner-vampyres. Not exactly entertaining in the classical sense, but as unintentional self-parody, it rivals even the sloppiest juggalo myspace affairs. So if you find yourself incredibly bored or at work, check this thing out and cry a river for poor fireman Jeff. Relax, and blindly trust him because he hates all those "get rich quick schemes you see on TV." Don't miss the clearly uncontrived "comments" at the end. And check out his photographic evidence of family-mandom!

[To all such Jeffs, on behalf of anyone familiar with the phrase "snake oil": Please step away from your computer and resume fighting fires. We'll all be better off for it later.]

2009 Economic Sabotage Summit

2009-02-25T09:10:00.004-05:00

M. Sullivan and I will convene and then abandon a meeting of the worlds greatest minds to finally and forever turn our government inexorably towards socialism. We'll be fomenting discussion on cementing the climate change hoax, crippling the auto industry with higher fuel economy standards, letting gays destroy the military, and of course tightening control for the Jews of Zurich by pumping trillions of tax dollars in to the banking systems.

While the heads are in the room, we'll be having drinks. Do drop in if your conglomo-corp expense accounts you out to the West Coast. April is the time to quit your job, as the new government will be paying for your every need.

With a heavy heart...

2009-02-21T11:49:00.002-05:00

Socks is dead. Cancer.

the week in comics

2009-02-20T13:29:00.004-05:00

don't know if you cats caught this week's inappropriate comic bombshell, but here it is:

maybe, maybe with that one we can pretend that NYPost comic artist Sean Delonas was innocent, and that the assassinated ape was not, in fact, a representation of our black president. however, his (comic!) depictions of homosexuals are truly awe-inspiring.

exhibit a:

exhibit b:

who needs a gaydar when the gays are clearly identified by their kneeless, elastic legs. somebody give this guy a raise. more memorable gems can be found here.

today's blog reviews

2009-02-19T01:37:00.002-05:00

0: you have squandered a beautiful gift.
1: it's the email address that makes you a hero.

12 hour workdays make cold crazy.

2009-02-18T16:33:00.000-05:00

nevermind

2009-02-18T13:32:00.002-05:00

this restores my faith in montana, and makes me hate my lousy dungeon master for forsaking my awesome evil half-elf cleric goth-yuppie.

amazing. just amazing.

2009-02-18T00:56:00.003-05:00

i can't possibly add anything that would make this more beautiful (and slightly NSFW) than it is.

2009-02-17T12:43:00.000-05:00

Pimp Juice, yes or no?

2009-02-12T17:15:00.009-05:00

fans of brad neely and members of the reds-only fantasy league¹ will appreciate this, an amazing blog pitting contestants against unlikely contestant, with illustrations (and commenter debate).

battles of note:

also, this one is worth it just for the rendering of dr. manhattan.

¹ skyline chili will always beat bo diaz because skyline chili can cover satellite dishes and satellite dishes beat bo diaz; similarly, Chris Sabo's sport goggles beat Home City Ice because if they can stand to be next to Sabo's hideous face for seven years without dying, they are next to immortal. Schottzie beats Greater's because Schottzie turns ice cream into liquid poo.

the light lane

2009-02-11T12:21:00.005-05:00

while writing the california state guide on accommodating bikes and pedestrians (truly inspiring shit), i came across this (actually inspiring shit):

it's a bike lane emitted from the ass of your bike, for when you're on the go. more here.

"fast car, fine ass: these things will pass...

2009-02-10T16:15:00.007-05:00

...and they won't get more profound."

sad news on two fronts in silverjew land. 1) the great lyricist david berman officially dissolved the silver jews in january, causing me to be totally pissed. he is among the very finest lyricists of our time.

2) immediately after posting the news that the jews were kaput, he posts this bombshell. turns out, his dad is the patently evil right wing lobbyist rick berman, who's basically the dude from 'thank you for smoking,' only more evil, and less funny. mother jones has the story:

A few years ago, David Berman says, he laid down the gauntlet with his dad and demanded he shut down his operation—a real Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader moment, one imagines. The high-priced lobbyist refused, according to his son. "He has just gotten worse. More evil. More powerful. We've been 'estranged' for over three years." (...)

Beyond being a talented songsmith, with a devoted following and more than a few indie hits under his belt, David Berman has also won praise for his poetry and cartoons. He seems to view his career up to this point as an effort to repent for, if not counter, the sins of his father. "In a way," he writes, "I am the son of a demon come to make good the damage."

on behalf of america's talls,

2009-02-09T20:55:00.002-05:00

i feel your pain, barry.

how many sleepless nights have America's intrepid Talls spent nursing bulbous headwounds caused by the World Order's insidious pro-short bias?

thought of the day

2009-02-04T13:39:00.002-05:00

joining twitter is worth it just for the David Lynch "tweets":

David_Lynch: Thought of the day: Establish a connection with the Self.
David_Lynch: The Unified Field is beyond space and time.

tales of don pt. II

2009-01-30T14:56:00.003-05:00

have we given don a fair shake? i'm not so sure. consider for a moment this, the last entry in his 5-month dormant blog:

I have been abducted by a UFO.
Once I find the money I will be back shortly.

now, consider that this post has 128 comments. clearly we could learn a lot from don; i for one hope for his swift recovery of the money, and his speedy return to planet earth where legions of eager fans await.

tales of don

2009-01-29T13:08:00.005-05:00

let's take a stroll down forgettable memory lane. it's 2006, and a small but vocal corps of jacks (may i call us jacks?) are rousing rabble about jumping ship and forming a new, more exciting forum: "angerblog."

the rest is history: this festering pusswound has lain dormant, digital weeds reclaiming it from cracks betwixt the broken interweb streetscape that once held such promise; forgotten.

until now.

for DON has arrived with trenchant analysis that i predict will revive this hitherto forgotten oubliette of garbage into the ivory tower of enlightenment that was its promise.

a brief foray into don's user profile reveals the following:

don resides on the ethereal plane intersecting your rear neurons.
there, he composes poetry.
the poetry consists mainly of lady-commentaries.

welcome back, angerblog.

2009-01-28T13:33:00.002-05:00

Speaking of awesome photos, here's another amazing one from Google Street View.

Here are some more.

Inauguration super photo

2009-01-27T16:34:00.002-05:00

This photo from the inauguration is well over 1000 megapixels, so the details is utterly insane.

Fun game: count how many people who appear to be sleeping. Clarence Thomas looks like one...

Kid is dumb, cops are dumber

2009-01-27T13:36:00.002-05:00

I heard about this on NPR yesterday.

be careful,

2009-01-13T16:03:00.004-05:00

totallybloated, or this could be you. this one's a can of worms, cultural-symptomatically speaking, but i'll leave that to you guys. and gene metcalf, who i understand reads this blog fervently.

Hurricane Katrina was even more fucked than we realized

2008-12-19T12:10:00.002-05:00

Here's an article in The Nation about white vigilantes who went out shooting black people. Seriously.

is it real? you decide...either way...

2008-12-14T12:50:00.002-05:00

...it may be the best transcript of a federally-wiretapped telephone conversation you'll ever read...

Wii acquired

2008-12-12T11:14:00.001-05:00

game recommendations requested.

Proof the Climate is Fucked

2008-12-11T11:39:00.002-05:00

So, this morning i woke up to an inch of snow on the ground. Let me repeat that: I LIVE IN A SWAMP AND THERE IS AN INCH OF SNOW ON THE GROUND.

Everybody has lost their minds down here.

spooked ya.

2008-12-09T14:24:00.003-05:00

thank george w. bush

2008-12-08T14:31:00.002-05:00

this site is some pretty therapeutic unintentional satire. you are urged to sign it as did I (number 700!): Morgoth: Destroyer of Worlds.

Real Life Mario Kart

2008-12-08T14:29:00.001-05:00

here.

NEWSWEEK POLL: GAYS NOT SO BAD

2008-12-07T10:56:00.002-05:00

The Great Sarah Palin Turkey Massacre

2008-11-21T17:56:00.002-05:00

Keep an eye on the background. This was an interview she gave for a local news station during her annual turkey "pardoning."

Not Really Helping the Cause

2008-11-13T12:38:00.002-05:00

to follow-up on cowboy's post:

the great battle between the mormons and the gays has begun

2008-11-11T16:15:00.007-05:00

to quote the seminal Toes song "here come the monkeys", "which...will win? will it be the rhombus or the roughhousing gang?" or in this case, the triangle or the weird underwear gang?

as a newly minted california voter my presidential vote would matter little-- i had resigned myself to casting meaningless lemming votes rather than meaningless protest votes. then came prop 8, which gave me a reason to wait in line for 18 hours last week (other than to parade around in my "i voted" sticker giving the finger to seventeen year olds and ex-convicts). except it passed anyway.

african americans, who turned out in massive numbers for King Barry, also voted ~70% for prop 8, which amends-or-revises the constitution to prevent gay marriage. the yes-on-8 gang were certainly on target -- just ask the african american lady-robot who left a robocall on meatcoat's telephone saying that she'd marched with MLK, and that MLK hates fags. or something like that. they had all the dough they needed to get the message out too -- thanks to the mormons' church-sponsored campaign to prevent sodomy for the glorification of god, who speaks to them from rocks inside a magic hat.

so now, all shit has broken loose, with the gays mounting a full-scale assault on the LDS church, massive protests in salt lake city and all across california.

my question to you is this: who will win in the apocalyptic battle to end all battles? will it be the mormons? will senators harry reid and orrin hatch declare a bipartisan war on fabulous? will wilford brimley send forth his armies of bloodthirsty mormon seniors? will jon heder, aaron eckhart and katherine heigl unite to form a holy hollywood Mormon Voltron, decimating the entire castro? or will elton john wave his mighty gloved hand and dispense with the entire beehive state forthwith?

these are latter days indeed.

oh please, please, please run in 2012.

2008-11-06T14:45:00.001-05:00

obama rally

2008-11-05T03:20:00.003-05:00

the obama rally in grant park tonight was absolutely fucking insane. i can't even do the whole thing justice -- tens of thousands of folk (more than i've ever seen in my life) in the mix, with crazy cheers every time big wolf blitzer would come back on the jumbotron screen and announce another state for obama. ohio was huge for outright political as well as personal reasons, florida was sweet too, but once they announced virginia, we knew it was over and the crowd went nuts.

everyone was actually really gracious during mccain's speech, which, despite weird repetitions, was a lot better than i thought it would be.

but let's be honest -- barack obama is a fucking amazing speaker and as much as i had seen him speak on the tv, hearing him live was amazing. there was a great mix of folks around me: black, white, old, young, all those cliches you hear that are actually true in this case. and during his speech, there were lots of tears.

i can't tell you how grateful i am to have witnessed history.

2008-11-04T09:59:00.003-05:00

I love Taxachusetts.

I was filled with delight and a most pleasant surprise this morning when I bellied up to my voter booth, took a thorough look at my ballot and discovered that, as a result of living in Denise Provost's Somerville district, I was being offered the chance to fire my entire state legislature.

The nothing-if-not-maverick Question 5 wonders:

"Shall the state representative from this district be instructed to vote in favor of amending the state Constitution to replace the state Legislature with 100 randomly selected adult residents of the Commonwealth, each serving a one-year term, to be called the Commonwealth Jury and to have all the legislative and other powers of the current Legislature?"

That's right! Get 'em out of there. A Commonwealth Jury is good for what ails me.

Imagine my soaring hopes and dreams when I discovered that, as a potential "randomly selected adult [resident] of the Commonwealth" I might one day legislate great laws for this most un-American corner of Newe Englande.

So attention, residents of Somerville: get out there and vote yes on non-binding Question 5. Urge YOUR representative to suggest firing herself and her closest 99 buddies!

just in time to poop on yr party...

2008-10-30T14:34:00.005-04:00

... here's Matt Gonzalez:

"On the street when I am approached by an Obama/Biden volunteer or someone who tells me they’re voting for Obama, I usually ask “What about the FISA vote?” And each time I hear in return “What’s that?” Or if I say, “You know he supports the death penalty,” I usually hear in response, “No he doesn’t.”

At what point will there be intellectual honesty about what is happening? People are voting for Obama because they find him to be an engaging public speaker and like his message regardless of his history of being part of the very problem he professes to want to fix. Most people don’t want the actual facts to interfere with the desperate hope that he is everything they want him to be."

Yeah, okay: nobody gives a fuck about Nader; we've been down that road before. My concern, which Gonzalez elucidates much more elaborately than I would, is that we are collectively buying into an elaborate sham. Not to denigrate the hard work (and hard-earned pay) some of us have been donating to The Cause, but: What gives, fellas? Where do you see us a year from now? Four? Hope? Change?! Yikes!!!

2008-10-30T12:06:00.005-04:00

PHILLY CHAMPIONS.

If you have misplaced your reddie tighties just bring a tree and get on the first glass roof you can find with friends who clearly can not name the team the phillies played.

the pivotal gamer vote

2008-10-29T19:52:00.001-04:00

the other corrupt alaskan

2008-10-29T18:12:00.002-04:00

you've probably realized that everyone representing the state of alaska is a dirty crook and filthy liar. this is of course patently true. you heard about the conviction of good ol' senator ted stevens who made a career of naming everything in alaska after himself. but do you know don young? well here is what he would look like if he had animal parts on his face.

he was the chair of the house transportation & infrastructure committee when i was a lowly hill staffer staffin' the committee for my boss. the biggest thing to go through the committee was the famous 2005 highway bill, or SAFETEA-LU, which included the oft-heralded 'bridge to nowhere', along with upwards of $40 million in delightful earmarks i had the pleasure of providing to the good people of indiana. you're welcome.

don's office was in a lovely corner of rayburn house office building, and featured an enormous grizzly bear skin stretched over his front desk. to his credit, he ran an efficient meeting. also: he's a crook, blah blah blah.

one of the perks of being the chair of the committee is: you get to be in charge of coming up with wacky acronyms that suit your fancy, or in this case, float your boat. the SAFETEA was simple enough "Safe, accountable, efficient, transportation equity act", and it was originally called SAFETEA. then ol' don decided to throw on the "LU" at the end ("a legacy for users"). why? because his effing wife's name is Lu.

but maybe you didn't hear about this?: in june, the Hill (a newspaper for staffers) uncovered a memo apparently written by Young's staff to new interns about protocol for life as an intern for Don, including dealing with ol' Lu.

feast your soul on it, and then consider this: it's probably this nutty in most offices. if was just as bats in mine.

general poop

2008-10-16T18:53:00.002-04:00

a fine example of who is voting for McCain + Palin.

The best part is when he says "I took one for the cause" which is basically saying, I hate what I did but I think its going to better the world.

Also this is another example of how liberals are far superior in ripping on opponents while also be quite hilarious. Perhaps Palin just makes it too easy.

So far all the conservatives have is a movie that can't even make a quarter of its budget back. And its excuse for not being good at all is a conspiracy. I do not know what its excuse for attacking micheal moore years after F911 is.

dick morris still washed up "analyst"

2008-10-16T14:43:00.004-04:00

as ayatollah pointed out, his snickerworthy "DICK MORRIS MAPS 2008" feature on the "news" site newsmax, has been laughably laughable; a chortle-worthy gasfest. hey! here's this week's:

let's see. south carolina? toss up (nevermind mccain's 11 point lead!). tennessee? leans obama (nevermind mccain's 15.7 point lead). arkansas? solid obama (nevermind mccain's 16.3 point lead)! and arizona (+11.3, mccain) is totally leaning obama. they hate mccain there.

dick morris has never offered anything worthwhile to anyone. anyone who pays that assbag money for his "analysis" might as well be throwing jackson after jackson into a flaming poopsewer. lucky for newsmax, that's what newsmax is. since nary a prediction of his has any basis in reality, if these divinings come to pass we can refer to morris more accurately as the toupeed, gargantuan oracle-wizard he truly is.

interestingly, i recently learned i am now a land owner in arkansas (40 acres, no mule). i look forward to obama's 10 point victory in arkansas come november 4th. we'll call the hogs together, you and i.

Ohio's 'druthers

2008-10-13T23:47:00.002-04:00

Says it all, really. Ayatolla, he's talking to you.

2008-10-07T17:21:00.002-04:00

we were promised changes to the blog format months ago. cowboy, where the fuck are they?

front & back covers of this month's Nature

2008-10-02T18:00:00.002-04:00

for real.

if earmarks were banned, government would shut down

2008-10-02T16:10:00.002-04:00

seriously. and this is the first piece i've read on the issue that gets it more or less right.

i'm just as pissed about earmarks as the next guy, and i'm all for lowering or capping the amount allotted to each member to the extent it can be done. and by all means, the projects and sponsoring members should be clearly available to the public (which was nowhere near the case when i was scoring them for my old boss).

but appropriations bills are too big, have by definition too many programs, that they will not pass if there's no carrot in there for individual members to sweeten the deal. it's absolute, unequivocal hogwash to believe otherwise.

bush tried that shit in 2005 with the labor-HHS appropriations bill. it was defeated by a laughable, laughable margin and subsequently re-earmarked.

if mccain had his way, government would cease to operate. it could no more spend than collect taxes. anarchy would rain down like manna, and jazon zeh would be unanimously elected prime minister of Earthachussets.

on second thought, vote mccain.

eerie nov. 4 foreshadowing?

2008-10-01T18:36:00.001-04:00

you be the judge.

Dick Morris Shits Pants

2008-10-01T15:33:00.001-04:00

Morris released his latest electoral map. Any comment on how accurate this is?

2008-09-29T16:28:00.001-04:00

As Paul Krugman notes, this is the line of the day:

HOUSE TO WALL STREET: DROP DEAD

congress still blows

2008-09-29T14:44:00.002-04:00

cowboy --

2008-09-25T11:16:00.001-04:00

your old boss kills it:

The Real Life Ronnie Dobbs

2008-09-24T18:59:00.002-04:00

Kentucky man gets arrested 1,000 times.

this story is real.

2008-09-24T12:07:00.002-04:00

from the oakland tribune:

OAKLAND — As his wife lay dying from the stab wounds he inflicted on her moments before, Jesus Jihad stood over her body and laughed, several witnesses testified in court Tuesday.

"She was lying down on the ground and he stood over her like he was saying, 'Die, I don't care,'" said Wilyana Jenkins, 15, a neighbor of the couple. "He was just standing there laughing like it was a joke or something."

Jihad, a convicted murderer and rapist, is accused of killing his wife, Aisha Hendricks, 35, of Oakland, by stabbing her 11 times with multiple kitchen knives during an argument last year.

i am terrified.

zero percent

2008-09-22T13:12:00.001-04:00

have you ever seen a poll that had zero percent in it?